Welcome to my page of quotations about candy. My mouth waters just thinking about fruit chews, hot cinnamons, red licorice, the butterscotch hard candies in crinkly wrappers that my grandmother used to hand me during church — and peppermints, taffy, cotton candy, lemon drops, caramels, buttermints, the sweets and tarts and sours. Yum! It’s no chocolate, mind you, but awesome deliciousness for when you’re craving a little sugar high.
Mike Teavee: Why is everything here completely pointless?
Charlie Bucket: Candy doesn’t have to have a point. That’s why it’s candy.
~Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, 2005, based on book by Roald Dahl, 1964, screenplay by John August
Candy power! ~Mr. Willy Wonka (Roald Dahl, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, 1964)
Cotton candy is the most amazing form of caramelization ever invented by man. ~José Andrés, to Anderson Cooper, 60 Minutes, 2010
~Ogden Nash, “Reflection on Ice-Breaking,” Hard Lines, 1931
Did you notice how her hair smells like fruit? Not the real fruit but the good kind, like in candy. ~The Middle, “The Core Group,” 2016, written by Ilana Wernick [S8, E1, Axl to Frankie about his girlfriend April
You can tell a lot about a fellow’s character by his way of eating jelly beans. ~Ronald Reagan, in The New York Times, 1981
I’m like a candy cane — sweet and twisted. ~Internet meme, c. 2012
Mints. Do you want your breath to be acceptable for 15 minutes? Reach for mints. It’s like brushing your teeth — but with sugar. ~“Weekend Update,” Saturday Night Live, 2016 [Kenan Thompson spoofing David Ortiz. Writing credits: Kelly, Schneider, Kocher, McElhaney, Bartlett, Drezen, Bornstein, Bradley, & Torres
November means 50% off Halloween candy! ~Internet meme, c. 2013
Sheldon: Milk Duds®, with their self-deprecating name and remarkably mild flavor, are the most apologetic of the boxed candies…
Raj: Junior Mints® are pretty apologetic.
Sheldon: You’re embarrassing yourself.
~The Big Bang Theory, “The Justice League Recombination,” 2010, written by Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, & Steve Holland
Well, who’s gonna turn down a Junior Mint®? It’s chocolate, it’s peppermint, it’s delicious… It’s very refreshing! ~Seinfeld, “The Junior Mint,” 1993, written by Andy Robin [S4, E20, Kramer]
If your sweet tooth says candy, your wisdom tooth says Cerreta.® ~Cerreta Candy Company, 1972, Glendale, Arizona, cerreta.com
Peter is such a candy freak. I knew he’d stay our all night if he could… This was his biggest night of the year. Bigger than Christmas. When he got home, he’d turn the shopping bag over on his rug and dump out all the candy. Then he’d sort it for hours, making piles of one candy bar and then another. He’s so totally mental. Sometimes when he was smaller he’d actually roll on his back in his Halloween candy, like a dog. ~R.L. Stine, Goosebumps Hall of Horrors: Night of the Giant Everything, 2011
I’m a great lover of visual art and I will happily discuss the color and texture of Van Gogh’s Starry Night… But I can think of nothing on earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night, which, for me, was ten to fifteen pounds of candy, a riot of colored wrappers and hopeful fonts, snub-nosed chocolate bars and SweeTARTS, the seductive rattle of Jujyfruits and Good & Plenty and lollipop sticks all akimbo, the foil ends of mini LifeSavers packs twinkling like dimes, and a thick sugary perfume rising up from the pillowcase.
And more so, the pleasure of pouring out the contents onto the rug in the TV room, of cataloging the take according to a strict Freak Hierarchy, calling for all chocolate products to be immediately quarantined, sorted, and closely guarded, with higher-quality fruit chews and caramels next, then hard candies, and last of all anything organic (the loathsome raisins). A brief period of barter with my brothers might ensue. For the most part, I simply lay amid my trove and occasionally massed the candy into a pile which I could sort of dive into, à la Scrooge McDuck and his gold ducats.
~Steve Almond, “Night of the Living Freak,” Candyfreak: A Journey through the Chocolate Underbelly of America, 2004
Original post date: 2006 Feb 4
1st major revision: 2015 Nov 2
2nd major revision: 2016 Oct 11
3rd major revision: 2017 July 12