DBA Quotes

Welcome to my page of quotations for, about, and by database administrators. I’m married to one of said creatures and I used to work in I.T. myself for about a decade, hence my interest in collecting these quotes. Enjoy! —tg

It was a hard sell, since he’s a database person, and as far as I’ve seen, once those database worms eat into your brain, it’s hard to ever get anything practical done again. To a database person, every nail looks like a thumb. Or something like that. ~Jamie Zawinski, 1998, www.jwz.org

To err is human, to restore is DBA. ~Kedar Vaijanapurkar, 2013, ilike.nitty-witty.com

Data Base: The information you lose when your memory crashes. ~Dave Barry, “Glossary of Standard Computer Terms,” Claw Your Way to the Top: How to Become the Head of a Major Corporation in Roughly a Week, 1986

He’s making a database
He’s sorting it twice
SELECT * from contacts WHERE behavior = 'nice'
SQL Clause is coming to town
~Karen Kringle, tweet, 2015 December 16th

Database Management System, n. Also DBMS. [Origin: DATA + Latin basus “low, mean, vile, menial, degrading, counterfeit.”] Software. A complex set of interrelational data structures, allowing data to be lost in many convenient sequences while retaining a complete record of the logical relations between the missing items. ~Stan Kelly-Bootle (1929–2014), The Devil’s DP Dictionary, 1981

Duplicate Record
Key Violation attempt
Fix your data please
~SSHD Crew, “Duplicate Record,” DBA Haiku, 2013

I’m the DBA, not the Help Desk. ~Saying of database administrators

See first that the design is wise and just;
That ascertained, pursue it resolutely.
Do not for one repulse forego the purpose
That you resolved to effect.
~George Fyler Townsend, “Application of Aesop’s Hercules and the Carter,” 1866