Funny Quotes about Chocolate

Welcome to my page of funny quotations about chocolate, chocolate jokes, one-liners, etc. To me, chocolate is no laughing matter although sometimes it makes me silly. I take my daily cacao indulgences very seriously. Please enjoy the quotes! –ღTerri

Chocolate is an antidepressant, which is especially useful as you start to gain weight. ~Jason Love

Chocolate is good for fighting flu-like symptoms, right? ~Keith Wynn, @keithawynn

Some consider carob to be a reasonable substitute for chocolate because it has some similar nutrients… and because it can — when combined with vegetable fat and sugar — be made to approximate the color and consistency of chocolate. Of course, the same arguments can also be made in favor of dirt. ~Sandra Boynton, Chocolate: The Consuming Passion, 1982

Fruit only angers my need for chocolate. ~Jason Love

Love?! Forget love! I’d rather fall in chocolate. ~Sandra J. Dykes, in conversation at Michelle Chocolatiers & Ice Cream in Colorado Springs, Colorado, early 1980s

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands — and then eat just one of the pieces. ~Judith Viorst, in Redbook, 1970s

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control-top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. ~Author unknown, c.1990s

Party on! Today’s stress has been cancelled, courtesy of chocolate. ~Terri Guillemets

Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed. Chocolate makes it worthwhile. ~Author unknown

Save the earth. It’s the only planet with chocolate. ~Author unknown

It’s a sin to waste chocolate. It’s in the Bible. Ghirardelli® 3:17. ~Terri Guillemets

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. ~“Lucy van Pelt” (Charles M. Schulz), Peanuts, unverified

Put eat chocolate at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done. ~As quoted in The Culinarian, 2002

After about twenty years of marriage, I’m finally starting to scratch the surface of that one. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. ~Mel Gibson, 2000, about what women want

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions. Chocolate understands. ~Author unknown

Chocolate is the answer. Who cares what the question is. ~Author unknown

Research tells us that fourteen out of any ten individuals like chocolate. ~Sandra Boynton, Chocolate: The Consuming Passion, 1982

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produced some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can’t remember what they are. ~TODAY (NBC), Matt Lauer, 1999

I don’t drown my sorrows — I suffocate them with chocolate. ~Author unknown

There’s nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate. ~Linda Grayson, unverified

Man cannot live on chocolate alone but woman sure can. ~Author unknown

The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate! ~Terry Moore, unverified

Chocolate, men, coffee — some things are better rich. ~Author unknown

Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. ~Charles M. Schulz, unverified

If there’s no chocolate in Heaven, I’m not going. ~Author unknown

Humorous Chocolate Quotations
Original post date: 2000 Jun 22
1st major revision: 2017 May 2
2nd major revision: 2018 Dec 14