Funny Quotes about Chocolate

Welcome to my page of funny quotations about chocolate, chocolate jokes, one-liners, etc. To me, chocolate is no laughing matter although sometimes it makes me feel like being silly. I take my daily cocoa indulgences very seriously. Please enjoy the quotes! —tg

Chocolate is an antidepressant, which is especially useful as you start to gain weight. ~Jason Love

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands — and then eat just one of the pieces. ~Judith Viorst

I don’t drown my sorrows — I suffocate them with chocolate. ~Author unknown

Fruit only angers my need for chocolate. ~Jason Love

Carob works on the principle that, when mixed with the right combination of fats and sugar, it can duplicate chocolate in color and texture. Of course, the same can be said of dirt. ~Sandra Boynton

Forget love — I’d rather fall in chocolate! ~Sandra J. Dykes

There’s nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate. ~Linda Grayson, “The Pickwick Papers”

Friends without chocolate are called enemies. ~Terri Guillemets

Man cannot live on chocolate alone but woman sure can. ~Author unknown

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control-top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. ~Author unknown

Chocolate is good for fighting flu-like symptoms, right? ~Keith Wynn, @keithawynn

Party on! Today’s stress has been cancelled, courtesy of chocolate. ~Terri Guillemets

Save the earth. It’s the only planet with chocolate. ~Author unknown

Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed. Chocolate makes it worthwhile. ~Author unknown

It’s a sin to waste chocolate. It’s in the Bible. Ghirardelli 3:17. ~Terri Guillemets

The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate! ~Terry Moore

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt! ~Attributed to Charles Schulz

After about twenty years of marriage, I’m finally starting to scratch the surface of that one. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. ~Mel Gibson, about what women want

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions. Chocolate understands. ~Author unknown

Chocolate, men, coffee — some things are better rich. ~Author unknown

Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done. ~Author unknown

Chocolate is the answer. Who cares what the question is. ~Author unknown

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love chocolate, and communists. ~Leslie Moak Murray

Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. ~Sandra Boynton

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produced some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can’t remember what they are. ~Author unknown

Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. ~Author unknown

If there’s no chocolate in Heaven, I’m not going. ~Author unknown