The scissors cut the long-grown hair;
The razor scrapes the remnant fuzz.
Small-jawed, weak-chinned, big-eyed, I stare
At the forgotten boy I was.
~John Updike (1932–2009), “Upon Shaving Off One’s Beard”
The care that we bestow on our person is a species of politeness towards others; thus it is that many persons shave some part of their beard, in order to unite freedom of toilette with an appearance of cleanliness and trimness. ~Charles Blanc, Art in Ornament and Dress, 1875
The barber learns to shave at the beards of fools. ~Italian proverb
Shaving the Face robs a Man of his Individuality and forces him into a poverty of Worldly Conformity. ~ManStache Men’s Co, manstachemensco.com
There is always a period when a man with a beard shaves it off. This period does not last. He returns headlong to his beard. ~Jean Cocteau, 1929, translated from French
One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don’t even exist yet. Men will buy this razor. Men can get into shaving, because it reminds them of what stud hombres they are, having to tame their manliness on a regular basis. ~Dave Barry, “Body Hair, Tennis: What’s Love Got To Do With It?,” 1992
A little girl had been looking at some pictures of angels and she turned to her mamma and asked: “Mamma, why are there no men in heaven?” “But there are men in heaven,” replied her mother. “Then why is it,” asked the child, “that we never see any pictures of angels with whiskers or mustache?” “True,” was the reply,” but there are men in heaven, only they get in by a close shave. ~The Independent, 1902 June 5th
I’m not growing a beard — I’m just too lazy to shave. ~Internet meme
Jones being impatient to be drest… thought the Shaver was very tedious in preparing his Suds, and begged him to make Haste…. “Sir,” said he, “since I have dealt in Suds, I could never discover more than two Reasons for shaving, the one is to get a Beard, and the other to get rid of one. I conjecture, Sir, it may not be long since you shaved, from the former of these Motives…” ~Henry Fielding, The History of Tom Jones, a Foundling, 1749 [The entire exchange is quite humorous, or at least as a quotation addict I find it so, as the barber is continually spouting Latin and proverbs — to Jones’ rushed disgust — and is self-admittedly “too much addicted to the Study of Philosophy.”