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Quotations about Alcohol
and Drinking Toasts
Tea is so tame. A cocktail is lots more naughty. ~Richard Florance, "It: The Usual Play with an Unusual Ending," in The Smart Set: A Magazine of Cleverness, 1915
To good eating belongs good drinking. ~German proverb
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. ~Ernest Hemingway, as quoted in A. E. Hotchner, The Good Life According to Hemingway, 2008
Visitor: "My word, I'm thirsty."
Hostess: "Wait a moment, I'll get you some water."
Visitor: "I said thirsty, not dirty."
~George Belcher, "Life Is Like That," King Features Syndicate, 1931
Our government land costs one dollar and twenty-five cents an acre, and good whiskey two dollars a bottle. How many men die landless who during their lives have swallowed whole townships — trees and all? ~Author unknown, c.1878, quoted in Silas X. Floyd, Floyd's Flowers: or, Duty and Beauty for Colored Children, 1905
If you must drink and drive… drink Pepsi! ~PepsiCo, Inc. bumper sticker, 1976
O God, that men
should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away
their brains! that we should, with joy, pleasance
revel and applause, transform ourselves into beasts!
~William Shakespeare, Othello, c.1604 [II, 3, Cassio]
A full Vine bending, like an Arch, and under
The blown God Bacchus, fitting on a Hogshead,
His Altar Beer: before that, a plump Vinter
Kneeling, and offering Incense to his Deity...
[A]nd then comes thy Song... The drinking Song...
Drink today and drown all Sorrow,
You shall perhaps not do it to morrow.
Best while you have it use your Breath,
There is no drinking after Death. ⁂
Wine works the Heart up, makes the Wit,
There is no Cure 'gainst Age but it... ⁂
Then let us swill, Boys, for our Health;
Who drinks well, loves the Commonwealth.
And he that will to Bed go sober,
Falls with the Leaf still in October.
~Francis Beaumont and John Fletcher, The Bloody Brother; or, Rollo, a Tragedy, 1718 (Act II, Scene II)
Come, landlord, fill a flowing bowl, until it does run over;
To-night we all will merry be, to-morrow we'll get sober.
~Popular song, c.1700s
If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while. ~Joseph Schenck
A dog will run up and lick your hand. No bottle will do that… If the whiskey ever starts licking your hand, I would advise you lay off it for a while, say five or ten minutes. ~W. C. Fields, "Alcohol and Me," 1942
Next to a drunkard I hate a teetotaller. ~Charles Searle, Look Here!, 1885
Nevertheless my uncle Benjamin was not what you lightly term a drunkard, make no mistake about that. He was an epicurean who pushed philosophy to the point of intoxication,—that was all.... He loved wine, not for itself, but for that short-lived madness which it brings.... he maintained that a fasting man was a man still asleep; that intoxication would have been one of the greatest blessings of the Creator, if it had not injured the head, and that the only thing that made man superior to the brute was the faculty of getting drunk. ~Claude Tillier (1801–1844), My Uncle Benjamin: A Humorous, Satirical, and Philosophical Novel, 1843, translated from the French by Benjamin R. Tucker, 1890
Fill a bumper, let its lustre
Change our cares to laughing joys;
See! glad moments round us cluster,
Let us sing with merry voice—
Here's success amid successes,
To the worthy every one,
May each year that onward presses
Bring to you a brighter sun!
~James Mackintosh, "Fill a Bumper," Antonio, & Other Poems, 1876
Almost anything can be preserved in alcohol, except health, happiness, and money. ~Mary Wilson Little, Reveries of a Paragrapher, 1897
ALCOHOL A liquid good for preserving almost everything except secrets. ~Charles Wayland Towne, The Foolish Dictionary, Executed by Gideon Wurdz, Master of Pholly, Doctor of Loquacious Lunacy, etc., 1904
Punches and juleps, cobblers and smashes
To make the tongue waggle with wit's merry flashes
~Sign hung over the door of English Harry Hill's barroom, New York, founded by sportsman Harry Hill (1827–1896)
Come, brothers, come, and drink with me,
See how the glass is beaming!
One bright unclouded hour will we
Spend in delicious dreaming!...
Fleeting is every earthly joy,
Wait not till time its bloom destroy,
But pluck the rose, nor pause to think,
But drink!
~Theodor Körner (1791–1813), "A Drinking Song," A Selection from the Poems and Dramatic Works of Theodor Körner, 1850, translated from the German by an unnamed female translator #happyhour
Here's to our guest —
Don't let him rest,
But keep his elbow bending.
'Tis time to drink —
Full time to think
Tomorrow — when you're mending.
~"To Our Guest," Toasts for the Times in Pictures and Rhymes by John William Sargent, 1904
The bad taste of alcohol is there to clue in your body that you shouldn't drink it. Luckily I don't fall for "appeal to nature" fallacies. ~Corey Mohler, @existentialcoms, tweet, 2015
Here's to a temperance supper,
With water in glasses tall,
And coffee and tea to end with—
And me not there at all.
~A Plate of Toasts, collected and passed along by Edwin Osgood Grover, 1916
Rum is a flatterer, making fools and lunatics. ~James Lendall Basford (1845–1915), Seven Seventy Seven Sensations, 1897
Some liquor brewed by monks
In the depths of a tomb-like cell,
Amid old skulls and tombstones,
This shall poison me well:
So that a blazing hall
Up in my brain shall rise;
With musicians assembled,
And a thousand watching eyes...
And so long as those liquid fires
Within my soul yet shine,
I will dream that dream of madness,
The dream which is divine:
But the strings snap soon and the fiddles
Wabble, all out of tune;
The horns grunt, and the flutes shriek,
And hoots the grim bassoon.
The conductor breaks his baton;
The tears run down his face.
The lights go out: the audience
Clump noisily from their place.
Thus I must pay the reckoning
For dreaming that dream again
Sick and pallid and aching,
I wake to the same old pain.
~John Gould Fletcher, "The Dream of Art"
Upon occasion we should go as far as intoxication.... Drink washes cares away, stirs the mind from its lowest depths.... But in liberty moderation is wholesome, and so it is in wine.... We ought not indulge too often, for fear the mind contract a bad habit, yet it is right to draw it toward elation and release and to banish dull sobriety for a little. ~Lucius Annaeus Seneca, "On Tranquility of Mind"
I'll be sober tomorrow, but you'll be crazy the rest of your life. ~W. C. Fields, 1934
Let us be drunk, and for a while forget,
Forget, and, ceasing even from regret,
Live without reason and despite of rhyme,
As in a dream preposterous and sublime,
Where place and hour and means for once are met.
Where is the use of effort? Love and debt
And disappointment have us in a net.
Let us break out, and taste the morning prime…
Let us be drunk.
In vain our little hour we strut and fret,
And mouth our wretched parts as for a bet:
We cannot please the tragicaster Time.
To gain the crystal sphere, the silver clime,
Where Sympathy sits dimpling on us yet,
Let us be drunk!
~William Ernest Henley (1849–1903), "To F. W."
Master Tubal told me that it was not enough to run a pace, but to set forth betimes: so doth not the total welfare of our humanity depend upon perpetual drinking in a ribble rabble, like ducks, but on drinking early in the morning; unde versus,
"To rise betimes is no good hour,
To drink betimes is better sure."
~François Rabelais, Gargantua and Pantagruel, Book I, 1532, translated by Thomas Urquhart and Peter Motteux, edited by Curtis Hidden Page, 1905
I hate drunkenness; but I do not hate the drunkard. If any man should have our friendship it is the man who has failed to be a friend to himself. The fact is, the victim of strong drink often has all the virtues—including high intelligence and a tender, sympathetic heart—and yet when the Demon Drink clutches him, his will is paralyzed, and Satan is in the saddle.... The worst about strong drink has never been told. It cannot be told—it escapes the limitations of language. ~Elbert Hubbard, "Can You Afford It?", Cosmopolitan, May 1913
Then he thought of drinking in order to give himself courage, and had a decanter of rum brought him, from which he gulped down, one after the other, six little glasses. A warmth, like a burn, seized on him. It was followed as soon by a giddiness of the soul. ~Guy de Maupassant (1850–1893), "A Coward," translated by Jonathan Sturges
The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1963
Hard work, worry and whiskey are the friends of man. ~Martin H. Fischer (1879–1962)
Drink 'til the ground looks blue. ~Thomas Heywood, Philocothonista, 1635 [spelling modernized
T is for Temperance, Tremens, and Thirst.
You get the last two if you don't have the first.
~James Clarence Harvey, "A Drink Primer," Over the Nuts & Wine, 1906
It's like an angel crying on your tongue. ~The Mentalist, "My Bloody Valentine," written by Bruno Heller and Tom Szentgyorgyi, spoken by the character Patrick Jane, about alcohol
Drinking makes you happy with your body the way it is. ~Philip Rosenthal & Mike Royce, Everybody Loves Raymond, "Not So Fast" (season 9, episode 2), original airdate 2004 September 27th, spoken by the character Robert Barone, based on the comedy of Ray Romano
...why so very, very merry?
Is it purity of conscience, or your one-and-seven sherry?
~W.S. Gilbert, "Ferdinando and Elvira," The "Bab" Ballads: Much Sound and Little Sense, 1860s
Sobriety is either the love of health, or an incapacity for debauch. ~François VI de la Rochefoucault (1613–1680)
Here's to conscience. May it wake up to hear us toast it, and then go to sleep again. ~The Loving Cup: Original Toasts by Original Folks, edited by Wilbur D. Nesbit, 1909
When things begin to blur, get stronger glasses — or weaker drinks. ~Arnold H. Glasow (1905–1999)
The Drink Question: "Have another?" ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1908, George Horace Lorimer, editor
Mixologist, n. person who complicates pouring alcohol. ~Blind Date (Bravo), 2020
Memory impairment: the free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle. ~Big Bang Theory, "The Agreement Dissection" (season 4, episode 21, original airdate April 28, 2011), written by Lorre, Prady, Molaro, Kaplan, Goetsch, and Gorodetsky, spoken by the character Sheldon Cooper
As soon as William returned, all poesy flew away. He brought me the heavy odor of the barroom, and his kisses, which smelt of gin, quickly broke the wings of my dream. ~Octave Mirbeau, A Chambermaid's Diary / Le Journal d'une Femme de Chambre, 1900, translated from the French by Benjamin R. Tucker
To alcohol! — the cause of and solution to all of life's problems. ~The Simpsons, "Homer vs. the 18th Amendment," 1997, written by John Swartzwelder [S8, E18, Homer]
KEYHOLE A frequent test for sobriety. ~Charles Wayland Towne, The Foolish Dictionary, Executed by Gideon Wurdz, Master of Pholly, Doctor of Loquacious Lunacy, etc., 1904
There are human bodies which, instead of throwing off alcohol that is taken into the system, seemingly catch and retain it. There are traps in the tissues that hold the toxin; and instead of getting rid of it, these traps set up a fever, a thirst, a vain unrest, and a mad desire for more drink. ~Elbert Hubbard, "Can You Afford It?", Cosmopolitan, May 1913
But as to those whose common sense is small and their individual sense is great, alcohol acts upon them as a poison of the soul. Naturally unchecked by common sense, the poor creature enjoys the spin of his own mind until it is a passion so to do. ~Walter Moxon, M.D., F.R.C.P. (1836–1886), "Alcohol and Individuality; or, Why Did He Become a Drunkard?"
Is there no way to stop the brain from thinking
Gin rickey thoughts and metaphysic highballs—
And yet how simple 'twas to swear off drinking
When one could get quite plastered to the eyeballs...
I'm Bacchanalian, bibulous, and wasted;
My lofty thoughts have sunk to booze and bunk
My jug of wine was full but rarely tasted;
Lo now, I thirst—a wretched mental drunk!...
With dust as dry as Gobi in my flagon...
I'm blistering and bleaching on the wagon.
~H. Lyman Armes, "As a Man Thinketh: A Pantoum," Judge, 1920 July 31st [Please accept my apologies for ruining the pantoum format by shortening the poem for quoting.
Drinkard — a fellow who drinks a lot but never seems to get drunk. ~Hal Borland [a little altered
S is for Silly, the name that fits you,
If, after a drink, you are crazy for two.
~James Clarence Harvey, "A Drink Primer," Over the Nuts & Wine, 1906
The secret to a long life is to stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don't drink too much. Then again, don't drink too little. ~Hermann Smith-Johannson, 1979
A man who has taken aboard two or three cocktails is less competent than he was before to steer a battleship down the Ambrose Channel, or to cut off a leg, or to draw up a deed of trust, or to conduct Bach's B minor mass, but he is immensely more competent to entertain a dinner party, or to admire a pretty girl, or to hear Bach's B minor mass. The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly sober as so many convicts in the death-house, but the lovely and useless things, the charming and exhilarating things, are best done by men with, as the phrase is, a few sheets in the wind. Pithecanthropus erectus was a teetotaler, but the angels, you may be sure, know what is proper at
Here's to beefsteak when you're hungry,
Whiskey when you are dry,
Greenbacks when you are busted,
And Heaven when you die!
~A Plate of Toasts, collected and passed along by Edwin Osgood Grover, 1916
Cold whiskey out of a bottle, taken as a prescription six times a day on the sly, isn't my idea of virtue... ~Charles Dudley Warner, Backlog Studies, 1873
Women make me weary, but whisky at least enables me to forget myself for a while. ~R. E. Boyns, A Grass Widow, 1919
The wise and intelligent are coming belatedly to realize that alcohol, and not the dog, is man's best friend. ~W. C. Fields, "Alcohol and Me," 1942
CIDER may be a good temperance beverage, but I have seen folks so drunk on it that they couldn't tell one of the 10 commandments from a
It shrinks my liver... it pickles my kidneys... but what does it do to my mind? It tosses the sandbags overboard so the balloon can soar. Suddenly I'm above the ordinary. I'm confident — supremely confident. I'm walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. I'm one of the great ones. I'm Michelangelo molding the beard of Moses. I'm van Gogh painting pure sunlight. I'm Horowitz playing the Emperor Concerto. I'm John Barrymore before the movies, got him by the throat. I'm Jesse James and his two brothers — all three of them. I'm
If life is a bubble, and breaks with a blast,
You must toss off your wine, if you’d wish it to last;
For the bubble may well be destroy’d with a puff,
If ’tis not kept floating in liquor enough.
If life is a flower, as philosophers say,
’Tis a very good thing understood the right way;
For if life is a flower, any blockhead can tell,
If you’d have it look fresh, you must moisten it well.
This life is no more than a journey ’tis said,
Where the roads for most part are confoundedly bad;
So let wine be our spurs, and all trav’lers will own,
That whatever the roads, we jog merrily on.
This world to a theatre liken’d has been,
Where each man around has a part in the scene;
’Tis our part to be drunk, and ’tis matter of fact,
That the more you all drink, boys, the better you act.
This life is a dream, in which many will weep,
Who have strange silly fancies, and cry in their sleep;
But of us, when we wake from our dream, ’twill be said,
That the tears of the tankard were all that we shed.
~George Colman, c.1780s
...as the thin mists of oncoming slumber creep across my slightly intoxicated brain...
Can you afford to run the risk of ruin by dallying with this arch-enemy that has laid so many low? We have been led to think that to drink is manly, and to get in a condition where common sense has fled and the tongue is tangled is funny.... The use of strong drink is neither manly, nor amusing, and no one who loves you or is interested in your welfare would think so. ~Elbert Hubbard, "Can You Afford It?", Cosmopolitan, May 1913
Fill a bumper, let its gladness
Heart to heart still closer bring,
Whilst that night-owl, brooding Sadness,
Flies away on startled wing:
Here's success amid successes
To the free and fair and bold,
May each year that onward presses
Leave to us bright sands of gold.
~James Mackintosh, "Fill a Bumper," Antonio, & Other Poems, 1876
The demon of the wine cup had fled, and reason once more asserted her right to control. ~Silas X. Floyd (1869–1923), "Home, Sweet Home," Floyd's Flowers: or, Duty and Beauty for Colored Children, 1905
Awake is vertical, asleep horizontal, and drunk is dizzyingly diagonal. ~Terri Guillemets
Drink like a fish and your head will swim. ~Arnold H. Glasow (1905–1999)
I hereby solemnly resolve to abstain from drinking alcoholic beverages:
– Between the hours of
– While brushing my teeth.
– While in the dentist's chair during any regular dental operation, including crowning, bridge-work, medicating gums or teeth, or ordinary filling.
– While yawning.
– While licking postage stamps or envelope flaps.
– While shaving my chin.
– While whistling "Silver Threads Among the Gold," or any other operatic selections.
– When some clumsy person knocks my elbow when there is a glass in my hand.
~James Montgomery Flagg, "I Should Say So: Four Easy New Year's Resolutions," 1915 [a little altered
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once — she drove me to drink — 'tis the one thing I'm indebted to her for. ~W. C. Fields, 1941
Woman first tempted man to eat; he took to drinking of his own accord. ~J. Melville Janson
He calls for wine: 'A health!' quoth he, as if
He had been abroad, carousing to his mates
After a storm...
~William Shakespeare, Taming of the Shrew, c.1593 [III, 2, Gremio]
[T]he majority of men are discontented with their life, and seek the pleasures of the flesh. But the flesh can never be satisfied, and men... seek oblivion in smoking or drunkenness. ~Leo Tolstoy, The Pathway of Life, translated by Archibald J. Wolfe, 1919
There is something about an old-fashioned
That kindles a cardiac glow;
It is soothing and soft and impassioned
As a lyric by Swinburne or Poe.
There is something about an old-fashioned
When dusk has enveloped the sky,
And it may be the ice,
Or the pineapple slice,
But I strongly suspect it's the Rye...
~Ogden Nash (1902–1971), "A Drink with Something in It"
Promise me one thing: don't take me home until I'm drunk — very drunk indeed. ~From the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's, 1961, screenplay by George Axelrod, based on the novella by Truman Capote
At three past Scotch it is time to go home... ~Thomas McGrath, "Poor John Luck and the Middle Class Struggle, Or: The Corpse in the Bookkeeper's Body," The Movie at the End of the World: Collected Poems, 1972
The order of drinking is from the mildest to the most foamy and perfumed. ~Anthelme Brillat-Savarin, The Physiology of Taste; or, Transcendental Gastronomy, 1825, translated by Fayette Robinson, 1854
Pecks of trouble come in pint bottles. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1906, George Horace Lorimer, editor
Alcohol is for people who can afford to lose a few brain cells. ~Two and a Half Men, "Damn You, Eggs Benedict," 2008, written by Lorre, Aronsohn, & Atwood [S6, E3, Charlie Harper]
Know thyself, especially thyself after a couple of drinks. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
Drink washes off the daub and discovers the man. ~Thomas Fuller's Gnomologia, no.1330 [modernized
To the Countess Grey,
Dr. Thomson advises as follows for you:—
* Broiled meat at breakfast, an egg, and chocolate.
* At twelve, a basin of rich soup.
* At two, a meat luncheon and a tumbler of porter.
* A jelly at four.
* Dinner at six; four or five glasses of claret.
* Tea and a whole muffin.
* Hot supper and negus at ten.
* Something nourishing at the side of your bed...
And so, my dear Lady Grey, God bless you! Read cheerful books, play at cards, look forward two hours, and believe me always most truly yours,
~Sydney Smith, Edinburgh, 1827
Obfuscated. — Drunk. ~Slang and its Analogues: A Dictionary of Heterodox Speech, John S. Farmer and W. E. Henley, 1890s
Greetin’ fu’, adv. phr. (Scots’) — Drunk: literally
Happy. — Slightly drunk, elevated: see Screwed. ~Slang and its Analogues: A Dictionary of Heterodox Speech, John S. Farmer and W. E. Henley, 1890s
Happy-returns. — Vomiting. ~Slang and its Analogues: A Dictionary of Heterodox Speech, John S. Farmer and W. E. Henley, 1890s
The modern writer has a new problem to face. National Prohibition will make literature "dry." The hero may still flick the ashes from his cigarette, but when the time comes for him to take a drink he must order a chocolate soda. There is a chance for a new school here. In the future we may read: "She sipped her buttermilk slowly and calmly noted its effect. After the second bottle she was a woman emancipated. She reached across the table and untied her handsome admirer's cravat. (To be continued.)" ~"Bone-Dry Literature Coming," Life, 1919
You know statistics have proven that listening to prohibition lecturers has driven more people to drink than any other cause. ~Will Rogers
At the garage, we had one word of advice from a weather beaten old-timer, of whom we inquired as to roads.
"The w'ust trouble ye'll have in a prohibition state is tire trouble."
"Why should prohibition affect our tires?"
"Dead soldiers."
"Dead soldiers?"
"Empty whiskey bottles." ~Winifred Hawkridge Dixon, Westward Hoboes: Ups and Downs of Frontier Motoring, 1921 [of Arizona, in 1918
Always remember, that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. ~Winston Churchill
Oh, and how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course and I forgot how to drive? ~The Simpsons, "Secrets of a Successful Marriage," 1994, written by Daniels, Canterbury, & Cohen [S5, E22, Homer
I used to know a clever toast,
But pshaw! I cannot think it—
So fill your glass to Anything
And, bless your souls, I'll drink it.
~Wallace Irwin, "A Toast by Proxy," c.1904
But it is a well-known fact that whiskey likewise gives one an heroic feeling. A slight amount makes every man his own Napoleon. ~W. C. Fields, "Alcohol and Me," 1942
Let's drink to hope! And hope to drink. ~Terri Guillemets, "Corkscrew," 2009
If you should die, dilly dilly, as it may hap,
You shall be buried, dilly dilly, under the tap;
Who told you so, dilly dilly, pray tell me why?
That you might drink, dilly dilly, when you are dry.
~Popular Rhymes and Nursery Tales, Halliwell, 1849
When Flemming saw the little streams, sliding down the mountainside, and leaping, all life and gladness, he would fain have clasped them in his arms and been their playmate, and revelled with them in their freedom and delight. Yet he was weary with the day's journey, and entered the village more like a way-worn traveller than an enthusiastic poet. As he went up the tavern steps, he said in his heart, with the Italian Aretino: "He who has not been at a tavern knows not what a paradise it is. O holy tavern! O miraculous tavern!—holy, because no carking cares are there, nor weariness, nor pain..." ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, "Foot-Travelling," Hyperion: A Romance, 1839 (Book III, Chapter II) [a little altered
If things get so complicated that you are worried and upset, don't take a little thought to try to rearrange and simply your life — grab another cocktail and forget it for the moment. Am I preaching? I'm sorry, but I feel badly when I see people clawing at the bars of a cage whose door is standing open. ~Ruth Stout, "Throw Away Your Spade and Hoe," How to Have a Green Thumb Without an Aching Back, 1955
Where ever I go, there I am. Drunk. ~Rita E. Torres
The chief incentives to indulge in strong drink arise from imperfect nutrition, loss of sleep, and lack of exercise in the open air. These things bring about a condition where worry becomes a habit, and drink follows in a search for relief. ~Elbert Hubbard, "Can You Afford It?", Cosmopolitan, May 1913
Half the thirst for alcohol that exists in the world exists simply because alcohol acts as a temporary anæsthetic and effacer to all these morbid feelings that never ought to be in a human being at all. ~William James, "The Gospel of Relaxation," 1899
One New Year's Eve I stood up at our local pub and said it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, I wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. The bartender was almost crushed to death. ~Robert Orben, 2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches, 1984
When we're drinking the world makes so much sense, but as soon as we sober up it returns to chaos and confusion. ~Terri Guillemets
If food hath slain its thousands, then drink has slain its tens of thousands. ~William Kitchiner, Directions for Invigorating and Prolonging Life, 1831
There is alcohol. And as I say, when there is alcohol, food is an inadequate diversion. ~The Great, "Dickhead," 2021, written by Tony McNamara and Matthew Moore, based on the 2008 play by Tony McNamara
If you drink a 180-proof raicilla straight down, you can feel it going into each individual intestine. ~Richard Burton, 1963 [a little altered
Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
~Ogden Nash, "Reflection on Ice-Breaking," Hard Lines, 1931
MEAL According to the Liquor Law, a minute bunch of crumbs entirely surrounded by booze. ~Charles Wayland Towne, The Foolish Dictionary, Executed by Gideon Wurdz, Master of Pholly, Doctor of Loquacious Lunacy, etc., 1904
She's a drunk... I'm sorry — alcoholic. A person with alcoholism. An Alcoholic-American. ~Fleishman Is in Trouble, "Summon Your Witnesses," 2022, hulu.com, written by Taffy Brodesser-Akner, taffyakner.com, based on the 2019 novel
PROHIBITIONIST. The sort of man one wouldn't care to drink with, even if he drank. ~H. L. Mencken
Join me — one little jigger of dreams. ~Charles Brackett & Billy Wilder, The Lost Weekend, 1945, based on the novel by Charles Jackson (1903–1968), 1944, spoken by the character Don Birnam
The nut-brown ale and the fine old gin
Right pleasantly they do suck.
~Charles Stuart Calverley, "Striking," Verses and Translations, 1862
In truth, the danger of drink, to Americans, is more hazardous than to any other people. We have an intensity of "nerves" beyond that of any other nation that has ever existed. ~Elbert Hubbard, "Can You Afford It?", Cosmopolitan, May 1913
HIGHBALL. A drink in the hand which is worth two headache powders in the drugstore. ~Noah Lott (George V. Hobart), The Silly Syclopedia, 1905
There is something they put in a highball
That awakens the torpidest brain,
That kindles a spark in the eyeball,
Gliding singing through vein after vein.
There is something they put in a highball
Which you'll notice one day, if you watch;
And it may be the soda,
Bud judged by the odor,
I rather believe it's the Scotch...
~Ogden Nash (1902–1971), "A Drink with Something in It"
...there's a bottle of prime brandy as will warm the cockles of your heart. ~F. C. Armstrong, The Young Middy, 1867
As Nathaniel Hawthorne once said of marriage: "Let man tremble at the hand of woman, for" — blah, blah, blah — alcohol is fun! ~NCIS, "Up In Smoke," 2012, written by Steven D. Binder
St. Patrick was a gentleman
Who, through strategy and stealth,
Drove all the snakes from Ireland;
Here's a bumper to his health.
But not too many bumpers,
Lest we lose ourselves, and then—
Forget the good St. Patrick
And see the snakes again.
~Author unknown, c.1900
Possibly you have noted the various epithets that have been gratuitously tossed at alcohol... ~W. C. Fields, "Alcohol and Me," 1942
Please someone tell me—
am I actually demented,
or just well-fermented?
~Terri Guillemets, "Tempus insaniam," 1996
WHISKY Trouble put up in liquid form. ~Charles Wayland Towne, The Foolish Dictionary, Executed by Gideon Wurdz, Master of Pholly, Doctor of Loquacious Lunacy, etc., 1904
CHARLES. Would you like a cocktail?
MADAME ARCATI. If it's a dry Martini, yes — if it's a concoction, no. Experience has taught me to be very wary of concoctions.
~Noël Coward, Blithe Spirit: An Improbable Farce in Three Acts, 1941
...you can't wear a tuxedo and not have a martini in your hand. ~Patrick Stewart, @sirpatstew, Instagram post, 2020
There is something about a Martini,
A tingle remarkably pleasant;
A yellow, a mellow Martini;
I wish that I had one at present...
~Ogden Nash (1902–1971), "A Drink with Something in It"
It takes an artist to make a dry Martini that's dry enough. ~Noël Coward, Blithe Spirit: An Improbable Farce in Three Acts, 1941
Trapper John: Is that all you ever think about, drinking?
Hawkeye: I don't mind eating if it's possible to make a martini sandwich.
~M*A*S*H, "Bananas, Crackers and Nuts," 1972, written by Burt Styler
The sandwiches came and I ate three and drank a couple more martinis. I had never tasted anything so cool and clean. They made me feel civilized. ~Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929
Somebody put too many olives in my martini last night. ~W. C. Fields, 1941
I dropped an olive into the martini like making a green wish. ~Jon Talton, Cactus Heart, 2007
Those dry Martinis did the work for me;
Last night at twelve I felt immense,
To-day I feel like thirty cents...
~George Ade, "R-E-M-O-R-S-E," The Sultan of Sulu, 1903
To youngsters, loud music and noise in general are the stimulants their elders find in a strong cup of tea or an extra dry Martini. ~Gerald Raftery, "The Natives Are Restless," in The Clearing House, January 1960
If Plato is a fine red wine, then Aristotle is a dry martini. ~Kicking and Screaming, 1995, written by Noah Baumbach [Chet
HAWKEYE: Right now, my manservant Trapper is mixing me a martini. He makes them beautifully. He made me an especially dry one last night, but it blew away. Your recipe is
TRAPPER JOHN: Five to one, actually. Five parts gin and one moment's silence for the vermouth.
~M*A*S*H, "A Full Rich Day," S3, E12, 1974, written by John D. Hess
You oughta get out of those wet clothes and get into a dry martini. ~Author unknown, 1930s [According to Ralph Keyes in his 2006 book The Quote Verifier, it was likely either Charles Butterworth or an anonymous press agent for Robert Benchley. There are several variations, including "Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini."
A well-made dry Martini or Gibson, correctly chilled and nicely served, has been more often my true friend than any two-legged creature. ~M.F.K. Fisher, "To the Gibson and Beyond," 1949
I like to have a Martini,
Two at the very most—
After three I'm under the table,
After four I'm under my host.
~Dorothy Parker
One is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. ~James Thurber, 1960 [of martinis
They say a martini is like a woman's breast — one ain't enough and three is too many. ~The Parallax View, 1974, written by David Giler, Lorenzo Semple Jr., and Robert Towne [Gale
When I have one martini, I feel bigger, wiser, taller. When I have a second, I feel superlative. When I have more, there's no holding me. ~William Faulkner
By the time I returned to America for keeps in 1937, I had acquired no doubt a selective view of the private Mencken. He was an affable and easy host, a knowing student of theology, and a gifted amateur of medicine and jurisprudence who was willing and qualified to debate enemies into friends. He did not ask for approval of his ideas, only a decent discussion and then a truce accompanied by the sacrament, preferably, of a dry martini, which he once called "the only American invention as perfect as a sonnet." ~Alistair Cooke, "H. L. Mencken: The Public and the Private Face," Six Men, 1977 [a little altered
This is an excellent martini — sort of tastes like it isn't there at all, just a cold cloud. ~Herman Wouk, 1986
I'd like a dry martini, Mr. Quoc, a very dry martini. A very dry, arid, barren, desiccated, veritable dustbowl of a martini. I want a martini that could be declared a disaster area. Mix me just such a martini... Dry, Mr. Quoc, dry, drier, driest. Unwet. The ultimate, the perfect martini, a drink that's dying of thirst. ~M*A*S*H, "There Is Nothing Like a Nurse," 1974, written by Larry Gelbart [S3, E10, Hawkeye]
Let us finish this bottle and open another. Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie-detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie-detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully. ~Graham Greene (1904–1991), Travels With My Aunt, 1969
Half the night I watch the Heavens
Fizz like '81 champagne...
~Rudyard Kipling (1865–1936), "La Nuit Blanche," 1887
I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody. ~M*A*S*H, "Ceasefire," 1973, teleplay by Laurence Marks & Larry Gelbart [S1, E23, Hawkeye
Here’s to champagne, the drink divine,
That makes us forget our troubles;
It’s made of a dollar’s worth of wine
And three dollars worth of bubbles.
~Smart Toasts for the Smart Set, published by James Sullivan, 1902
I don't think I've ever drunk champagne before breakfast before. With breakfast on several occasions, but never before, before. ~Breakfast at Tiffany's, 1961, screenplay by George Axelrod, based on the novella by Truman Capote [Paul Varjak
Delicious, effervescent, cold Champagne,
Imprisoned sunshine, glorious and bright,
How many virtues in thy charm unite?
Who from thy tempting witchery can abstain?...
~Francis S. Saltus (1849–1889), "Champagne Frappé," published posthumously in Flasks and Flagons, 1891
Great Spirit of the grape—delirious kiss
Of lips immortal from the sky,
Rare Nectar of Olympus, born of bliss,
Bright spark of Aphrodite's eye...
~Elmina Ella Susannah Elliott Atkinson (1867–1931), Confessions of a Chorus Girl, 1903 [Published under the pseudonym Madge Merton.
I can't think of any better way to spend money than on champagne. ~Ernest Hemingway, as quoted in A. E. Hotchner, The Good Life According To Hemingway, 2008
Lily on liquid roses floating!
So floats yon foam o'er pink Champagne.
Fain would I join such pleasant boating,
And prove that ruby main,
And float away on wine!...
~John Kenyon (1784–1856), "Champagne Rosé," 1836 [Anacreontic first line improvised while looking at the bubbles in a glass of pink champagne; having been challenged to complete it on the spot he finished the four-stanza poem in fewer than twenty minutes. Alternatively titled "The Wager."
’T was ever thus from childhood’s hour—
I’ve seen my fond hopes disappear;
I’ve always had a champagne thirst,
But have to be content with beer.
~Anonymous, "A Poet’s Wail," c.1890
Fair queen of wines, long be thy merry reign. ~Francis S. Saltus (1849–1889), "Champagne Frappé," published posthumously in Flasks and Flagons, 1891
CHAMPAGNE The stuff that makes the world go round. ~Charles Wayland Towne, The Foolish Dictionary, Executed by Gideon Wurdz, Master of Pholly, Doctor of Loquacious Lunacy, etc., 1904
A wine esthete pokes his sensitive beak into a glass of Champagne. Then, head thrown back, eyes closed, and visage wreathed in an other-worldly smile, he incants: "I see... I see... yes, I see a young girl in white, barefooted, running across a vast green lawn, long hair flowing." ~Frank J. Prial (1930–2012), "Words, Words, Words," 1987
Nectar strained to finest gold,
Sweet as Love, as Virtue cold.
~Minna Thomas Antrim (1861–1950), "To Champagne," A Book of Toasts, 1902
Then give me champagne! and contentment be mine!
Women, wealth, and ambition—I cast them away.
My garlanded forehead let vine-leaves entwine!
And life shall to me be one long summer's day,
With the tears of the clustering grape for its rain,
And its sunshine—the bright golden floods of champagne!
~George Whyte-Melville (1821–1878), "A Word for Champagne," Passages in the Life of Tilbury Nogo, Esq.; or, The Adventures of an Unsuccessful Man, 1851 [Originally published under the pseudonym Foxglove.
Every time a champagne bottle pops, a party angel gets its wings. ~Terri Guillemets, journal, 1993
There is no pitch which attaches men to one another like champagne; it seals every matter of business, especially the deepest. ~Honoré de Balzac (1799–1850), "How Much Love Costs Old Men," 1843, Splendors and Miseries of Courtesans, translated by Ellery Sedgwick, 1895
To fizz that makes us happy! ~Elmina Ella Susannah Elliott Atkinson (1867–1931), Confessions of a Chorus Girl, 1903 [Published under the pseudonym Madge Merton.
Champagne's real place is not at a dinner, but at a ball. A cavalier may appropriately offer, at propitious intervals, a glass now and then to his danceress. There, it takes its fitting rank and position amongst feathers, gauzes, lace, embroidery, ribbons, white satin shoes, and eau de Cologne. It is simply one of the elegant extras of life... But we must not let it give itself too many airs because it is a dandy gentleman. It ought not to push into the background of neglect and disesteem, the more solid and generally useful elixirs of life. ~“A Bottle of Champagne,” Household Words. A Weekly Journal, Conducted by Charles Dickens, 1855 February 17th
To me thy sparkling souvenir recalls
Grand Boulevards, all dazzling with the glare
Of countless lights; the revel and uproar
Of midnight Paris and the Opera balls...
~Francis S. Saltus (1849–1889), "Champagne Frappé," published posthumously in Flasks and Flagons, 1891
A single glass of champagne imparts a feeling of exhilaration. The nerves are braced, the imagination is agreeably stirred, the wits become more nimble. A bottle produces a contrary effect. Excess causes a comatose insensibility. So it is with war, and the quality of both is best discovered by sipping. ~Winston Churchill
And then there was champagne, with foaming whirls
As white as Cleopatra's melted pearls.
~Lord Byron (1788–1824), Don Juan, 1819–1824
It is a true proverb that champagne at night is a real pain in the morning. ~Elmina Ella Susannah Elliott Atkinson (1867–1931), Confessions of a Chorus Girl, 1903 [Published under the pseudonym Madge Merton.
Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
~Dorothy Parker, "Inventory," 1926
Flattery is like champagne; it soon goes to the head. ~Proverb
But Oh! these sparkling drops of bliss
From vine-crowned towers of Rheims,
That touch my lips like a woman's kiss
And light my heart like flames!
~Martin Maginnis (1841–1919), as quoted by Chase and French, 1903
A champagne glass,
A woman's lips,
Oh, they go well together.
When sparkling wine
Young beauty sips
If a man question whether
It's wise for him
To rest his gaze
Upon a sight which troubles.
He hesitates,
He's lost, he stays,
And buys a million bubbles.
~Elizabeth Gordon, "He Who Hesitates," in The Loving Cup: Original Toasts by Original Folks, edited by Wilbur D. Nesbit, 1909
I could not live without Champagne. In victory I deserve it. In defeat I need it. ~Winston Churchill
Here's a turkey when you are hungry,
Champagne when you are dry,
A pretty girl when you need her,
And heaven when you die.
~Toasts and After-Dinner Speeches, arranged and edited by William Young Stafford, 1903
The miser may be pleased with gold,
The sporting beau with pretty lass;
But I’m best pleas’d when I behold
The nectar sparkling in the glass.
~A Collection of Songs (Edinburgh), 1762
...but yet they grumbled. Such is human-nature. The man who drinks beer at home always criticizes the champagne, and finds fault with the Burgundy when he is invited out to dinner. ~Mark Twain, 1868
And the small ripple spilt upon the beach
Scarcely o’erpass’d the cream of your champagne,
When o’er the brim the sparkling bumpers reach,
That spring-dew of the spirit! the heart’s rain!
Few things surpass old wine; and they may preach
Who please,—the more because they preach in vain,—
Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter,
Sermons and soda-water the day after.
~Lord Byron (1788–1824), Don Juan, 1819–1824
I started to open the bottle of champagne, and then it began to open itself. The man who filled it must have put in two quarts instead of one. ~Philadelphia Record, 1901 [a little altered
Can you imagine opening a bottle of champagne with a bottle opener. I can't. It would eliminate half the fun. ~Alain de Vogue, 1963
Well, Fizz, old chap,
Here's a health to you;
You're a good old chap
And a sport clear through.
You've made me poor,
You've stood me well,
You've brought me luck,
And—well, we won't tell.
So through all my joys
And through all my woes,
Tip up, old friend:
To Fizz—here she goes!
~Elmina Ella Susannah Elliott Atkinson (1867–1931), Confessions of a Chorus Girl, 1903 [Published under the pseudonym Madge Merton.
Come friends, come let us drink again,
This liquid from the nectar vine,
For water makes you dumb and stupid,
Learn this from the fishes—
They cannot sing, nor laugh, nor drink
This beaker full of sparkling wine.
~Old Dutch song, as quoted in Waes Hael: A Collection of Toasts Crisp and Well Buttered, by Edithe Lea Chase and Capt. W. E. P. French, 1903
The stomach is the chapel-master who directs the great orchestra of our passions and sets them in motion. An empty stomach is as the bassoon or the piccolo-flute — the one grumbling from sheer displeasure, the other yelling from desire for food; while the full stomach is the triangle of pleasure or the kettle-drum of joy. As for love, I consider it the prima donna, par excellence — the goddess which sings to us cavatinas — gets the ear drunk and makes the heart leap for joy. Eating, loving, singing and digesting are in truth the four acts of a comic opera called Life, which vanishes as the foam of champagne. Who lets them pass without having enjoyed them is a complete fool. ~Gioachino Rossini (1792–1868)
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