The Quote Garden ™
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Funny Quotations about Chocolate
Welcome to my page of funny quotations about chocolate, chocolate jokes, one-liners, etc. To me, chocolate is no laughing matter although sometimes it makes me silly. I take my daily cacao indulgences very seriously. Please enjoy the quotes! –ღTerri
Chocolate is an antidepressant, which is especially useful as you start to gain weight. ~Jason Love, jasonlove.com
Chocolate is good for fighting flu-like symptoms, right? ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist, tweet, 2016
Some consider carob to be a reasonable substitute for chocolate because it has some similar nutrients... and because it can — when combined with vegetable fat and sugar — be made to approximate the color and consistency of chocolate. Of course, the same arguments can also be made in favor of dirt. ~Sandra Boynton, Chocolate: The Consuming Passion, 1982, sandraboynton.com
Fruit only angers my need for chocolate. ~Jason Love, jasonlove.com
Love?! Forget love! I’d rather fall in chocolate. ~Sandra J. Dykes, in conversation at Michelle Chocolatiers & Ice Cream in Colorado Springs, Colorado, early 1980s
Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands — and then eat just one of the pieces. ~Judith Viorst, in Redbook, 1970s
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control-top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. ~Author unknown, c. 1990s
Party on! Today's stress has been cancelled, courtesy of chocolate. ~Terri Guillemets
Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed. Chocolate makes it worthwhile. ~Author unknown
Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate. ~Author unknown
Frankie: This is junior high girl drama we're talking about here, it's a minefield... Girls are horrible to each other...
Mike: So this is just how girls are?
Mike: And there's nothing we can do?
Mike: Brutal. I gotta tell ya, I wouldn't last ten seconds as a girl.
Frankie: Now you see why we eat so much chocolate?
~The Middle, "Errand Boy," 2010, written by Tim Hobert [S2, E8]
It's a sin to waste chocolate. It's in the Bible. Ghirardelli® 3:17. ~Terri Guillemets, "There are actually eight," 2014
All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. ~Lucy van Pelt (Charles M. Schulz), Peanuts, unverified
Put eat chocolate at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. ~As quoted in The Culinarian, 2002
After about twenty years of marriage, I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of that one. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. ~Mel Gibson, 2000, about what women want
Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions. Chocolate understands. ~Author unknown
Chocolate is the answer. Who cares what the question is. ~Author unknown
Research tells us that fourteen out of any ten individuals like chocolate. ~Sandra Boynton, Chocolate: The Consuming Passion, 1982, sandraboynton.com
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produced some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are. ~TODAY (NBC), Matt Lauer, 1999
I don't drown my sorrows — I suffocate them with chocolate. ~Author unknown
There's nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate. ~Linda Grayson, unverified
Man cannot live on chocolate alone but woman sure can. ~Author unknown
The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate! ~Terry Moore, unverified
Chocolate, men, coffee — some things are better rich. ~Author unknown
Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. ~Charles M. Schulz, unverified
If there's no chocolate in Heaven, I'm not going. ~Author unknown
Original post date 2000 Jun 22
1st major revision 2017 May 2
2nd major revision 2018 Dec 14
Last saved 2020 Jul 25 Sat 16:41 PDT