The Quote Garden ™

I dig old books. ™

Est. 1998
Quotations about
Dieting & Losing Weight
Welcome to my collection of quotations about reducing diets and losing weight. When I created this page in the '90s, it was popular. Over the years, the topic has become controversial. Hence, I need a disclaimer now: Please note that these quotes aren't meant to push anyone towards an obsession with being skinny — they're simply wittiness and inspiration for obtaining and maintaining a healthy body. The ideal is to practice moderation and to avoid extremes in eating and in life. Some say: be happy with your body however it is, and others: keep slender. But the best path is to make healthful lifestyle choices while not being too concerned with numbers and sizes, to keep an attitude of wellness by being lighthearted and not weighing ourselves down with worry. After all, laughing burns calories!
SEE ALSO:
EATING,
HEALTH,
BODY,
EXERCISE,
DESSERTS,
JUNK FOOD
–Terri
No, I shall not waste any of my remaining years on the pursuit of smooth pink cheeks. Nor will I waste my time or worry with weight, counting calories, or other such psychological-gastronomic engagements! ~Emily Newell Blair (1877–1951), "I Prepare to Face Fifty," 1926 [a little altered —tg]
I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. ~Jean Kerr
Falstaff. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.
Pistol. Two yards, and more.
Falstaff. No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in the waist two yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift.
~William Shakespeare, Merry Wives of Windsor, c.1600 [I, 3]
If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams. ~Jason Love, jasonlove.com
Eating hot fudge sundaes
In your dreams
Means you won't have to let out
Any more seams!
~Lila Perl, Hey, Remember Fat Glenda?, 1981
Often one hears the complaint, "I am growing fleshy; what shall I do to decrease my weight?" That depends.
Many people are naturally plump; fleshiness is constitutional with them, and any effort to lessen the weight may be at the expense of health. If you are thus constituted, please understand that it is not wise to attempt to build a greyhound up to the proportions of a mastiff, or to reduce a Saint Bernard to the figure of a deerhound. One who is fleshy and in good health should let well enough alone.
However, if obesity is due to overeating and lack of exercise, the cure is simple, but not easy. To diminish the pleasures of the table for good eaters is to rob life of half its joys. It is not enough to tell patients to eat less. Treatment for obesity is best conducted in a well-appointed sanitarium. ~G. H. Heald, M.D., "What Shall I Do to Decrease My Weight?," Life and Health, 1906
When dieting, avoid all sweets,
No matter if they're yummy;
They may melt inside your mouth—
But they firm up on your tummy!
~Robert Orben, 2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches, 1984
Do you think there's such a thing as airborne calories? Maybe they just jump directly onto your hips. ~Coupling, "Remember This," original airdate 14 October 2002, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Sally
It is a losing game — buying outfits that you intend to diet into. At some point you have to conclude that the skeleton in your closet is sufficiently dressed. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
Saying yes to the skinny jeans by saying no to the donuts. ~Betsy Cañas Garmon, @wildthyme, tweet, 2009, betsygarmon.com
Forget about calories — everything makes thin people thinner, and fat people fatter. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966, ©Thomas Paine McLaughlin
If you hang your bikini
On the refrigerator door,
The goodies inside
Will be easier to ignore!
~Lila Perl, Hey, Remember Fat Glenda?, 1981
Life itself is the proper binge. ~Julia Child
To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing. ~Mark Twain
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. ~Mark Twain
I have dieted continuously for the last two decades and lost a total of 758 pounds. By all calculations, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. ~Erma Bombeck, "One Size Fits All of What?," I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression, 1973
And govern well thy appetite, lest Sin
Surprise thee, and her black attendant, Death.
~John Milton
To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. ~Proverb
We never repent of having eaten too little. ~Thomas Jefferson, 1825
Although there is much malnutrition in the world, more die in the United States of too much food than of too little. ~John Kenneth Galbraith
Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork. ~Proverb
Don't dig your grave with your own teeth. ~Proverb
My ideal weight is moobless. ~S. A. Sachs
The human body is composed
Of head and limbs and torso,
Kept slim by gents
At great expense,
By ladies, even more so...
~Ogden Nash (1902–1971), "Just a Piece of Lettuce and Some Lemon Juice, Thank You"
Some ladies smoke too much and some ladies drink too much and some ladies pray too much,
But all ladies think that they weigh too much.
They may be as slender as a sylph or a dryad,
But just let them get on the scales and they embark on a doleful jeremiad;
No matter how low the figure the needle happens to touch,
They always claim it is at least five pounds too much...
~Ogden Nash (1902–1971), "Curl Up and Diet"
Every time
You take a beating,
You try to make it up
By eating
~Lila Perl, Hey, Remember Fat Glenda?, 1981
You think we have troubles now? Can you imagine if worry had calories? ~Robert Orben, 2100 Laughs For All Occasions, 1983
Hi, my name is Mike, I'm an overeater... And this is usually the point where I would tell you how much weight I've lost, but I'm not gonna do that. Because it's not about how much I weigh — it's about how I feel. And today I feel pretty damn good... That doesn't mean I'm gonna feel great tomorrow... But I'm gonna keep taking it one day at a time because every day it's a battle... and sometimes the pie wins. But the thing is: you gotta keep fighting. ~Mike & Molly, "Pie Fight," 2015, teleplay by Rob DesHotel, Michael Glouberman, and Brian Keith Etheridge [S5, E15]
...the most beautiful words in the English language are "You've lost weight"... ~Christopher Buckley, "House-Guest Hell," in The New Yorker, 1995, christopherbuckley.com
When friends tell you how awesome you look, drop the "I still have more to go" crap. You worked hard and you deserve the compliment! ~Jillian Michaels, @JillianMichaels, tweet, 2009, jillianmichaels.com
published 1998 Mar 18
revised Oct 2020, Aug 2021
last saved 2025 Jan 23
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