I dig old books. ™
Est. 1998
 | ||
Home About Contact Terms Privacy |
Quotable Insults & Comebacks
and Quotes about Insults
No two insults call for quite the same treatment, but I offer you this as a generality: The only graceful way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved. ~Russell Lynes, "The Art of Accepting," in Vogue, 1952
A truly noble nature cannot be insulted. ~Publilius Syrus, 1st century BCE, from the Latin by D. Lyman, 1856
M-day is here; it's the day of the moron. ~Martin H. Fischer (1879–1962)
Others Whenever—
Some people make happiness wherever they go.
~Success Magazine, 1908, Orison Swett Marden, editor and founder
Villain, I have done thy mother. ~William Shakespeare, Titus Andronicus, c.1593
SLANDER is like a hornet. If you don't kill it dead the first crack, you'd better not strike at it at all. ~Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw, 1818–1885), revised by H. Montague, 1913
...an ossified heart and an empty head... ~Anonymous, The World's Furniture, 1861
...thou ass-begotten bastard, whom Noah never let into his ark!... What devil's crotchet got into thy capricious noddle, that thou shouldst... run bellowing like Lucifer? ~Richard Cumberland, Nicolas Pedrosa, 1799
Yes, Agassiz does recommend authors to eat fish, because the phosphorus in it makes brain. So far you are correct. But I cannot help you to a decision about the amount you need to eat — at least not with certainty. If the specimen composition you send is about your fair usual average, I suggest that perhaps a couple of whales would be all you would want for the present. Not the largest kind, but simply good middling-sized whales. ~Mark Twain
Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no
more brain than I have in mine elbows; an assinego
may tutor thee: thou scurvy-valiant ass!...
~William Shakespeare, Troilus and Cressida, c.1601
With too much blood and too little brain, these two
may run mad; but, if with too much brain and too
little blood they do, I'll be a curer of madmen.
Here's Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough and one
that loves quails; but he has not so much brain as
earwax...
~William Shakespeare, Troilus and Cressida, c.1601
...more of your conversation would
infect my brain...
~William Shakespeare, Coriolanus, c.1607
Out of my sight! thou dost infect my eyes. ~William Shakespeare,
You can imagine what a racket with Joe Perkins would be, — about as lively as a Lowell Institute Lecture, or sleighing on sand. ~Peppermint Perkins (Joe Perkins), 1886
...His wit's as thick
Tewksbury mustard...
~William Shakespeare,
You know he loves her as the devil loves holy water. ~Jonathan Swift, Polite Conversation, 1738
You have such a passion for doctoring my disposition, that you can't give sweetmeats without mixing a little physic with them... ~George E. Dabney, "The History of an Adventurer," 1840
Ah my diminutive little chum, how would you like to go out and ride piggyback on a buzz saw. ~W. C. Fields, to Charlie McCarthy, wooden dummy partner of ventriloquist Edgar Bergen, 1938
...whose face is not worth
sun-burning...
~William Shakespeare,
Jane Austen's books, too, are absent from this library. Just that one omission alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it. ~Mark Twain
I haven't any right to criticise books, and I don't do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticise Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can't conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Everytime I read 'Pride and Prejudice' I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone. ~Mark Twain
Being unpleasant seems to be your only hobby. ~Livingston Welch, A Victim of Rest, 1924 [Eve to Adam
And thou unfit for any place but hell. ~William Shakespeare,
O, she is the antidote to desire. ~William Congreve, The Way of the World, 1700
No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip:
she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out
countries in her.
~William Shakespeare, Comedy of Errors, c.1589
Sheriff: One of them is well known, my gracious lord,
A gross fat man.
Carrier: As fat as butter.
~William Shakespeare,
She looks as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth... ~Jonathan Swift, Polite Conversation, 1738
These lies are like their father that begets them;
gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou
clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou
whoreson, obscene, grease tallow-catch,—
~William Shakespeare,
'Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried
neat's tongue, you bull's pizzle, you stock-fish! O
for breath to utter what is like thee! you
tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you vile
standing-tuck,—
~William Shakespeare,
Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon! ~William Shakespeare, Timon of Athens, c.1607
...drunkenness is his best virtue, for he will
be swine-drunk; and in his sleep he does little
harm, save to his bed-clothes about him; but they
know his conditions and lay him in straw...
~William Shakespeare, All's Well That Ends Well, c.1602
Sir, if you spend word for word with me, I shall
make your wit bankrupt.
~William Shakespeare, Two Gentlemen of Verona, c.1594
Dare not insult too far, a heart that knows you.
Home About Contact Terms Privacy | ||
|
www.quotegarden.com/insults.html
Last saved 2025 Jan 21 Tue 17:02 CST