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Quotations about Martinis


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CHARLES.  Would you like a cocktail?
MADAME ARCATI.  If it's a dry Martini, yes — if it's a concoction, no. Experience has taught me to be very wary of concoctions.
~Noël Coward, Blithe Spirit: An Improbable Farce in Three Acts, 1941


...you can't wear a tuxedo and not have a martini in your hand. ~Patrick Stewart, @sirpatstew, Instagram post, 2020


There is something about a Martini,
A tingle remarkably pleasant;
A yellow, a mellow Martini;
I wish that I had one at present...
~Ogden Nash (1902–1971), "A Drink with Something in It"


It takes an artist to make a dry Martini that's dry enough. ~Noël Coward, Blithe Spirit: An Improbable Farce in Three Acts, 1941


Trapper John:  Is that all you ever think about, drinking?
Hawkeye:  I don't mind eating if it's possible to make a martini sandwich.
~M*A*S*H, "Bananas, Crackers and Nuts," 1972, written by Burt Styler  [S1, E7]


The sandwiches came and I ate three and drank a couple more martinis. I had never tasted anything so cool and clean. They made me feel civilized. ~Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929


Somebody put too many olives in my martini last night. ~W. C. Fields, 1941


I'd like a dry martini, Mr. Quoc, a very dry martini. A very dry, arid, barren, desiccated, veritable dustbowl of a martini. I want a martini that could be declared a disaster area. Mix me just such a martini... Dry, Mr. Quoc, dry, drier, driest. Unwet. The ultimate, the perfect martini, a drink that's dying of thirst. ~M*A*S*H, "There Is Nothing Like a Nurse," 1974, written by Larry Gelbart  [S3, E10, Hawkeye]


I dropped an olive into the martini like making a green wish. ~Jon Talton, Cactus Heart, 2007


Those dry Martinis did the work for me;
Last night at twelve I felt immense,
To-day I feel like thirty cents...
~George Ade, "R-E-M-O-R-S-E," The Sultan of Sulu, 1903


To youngsters, loud music and noise in general are the stimulants their elders find in a strong cup of tea or an extra dry Martini. ~Gerald Raftery, "The Natives Are Restless," in The Clearing House, January 1960


If Plato is a fine red wine, then Aristotle is a dry martini. ~Kicking and Screaming, 1995, written by Noah Baumbach  [Chet —tg]


You oughta get out of those wet clothes and get into a dry martini. ~Author unknown, 1930s  [According to Ralph Keyes in his 2006 book The Quote Verifier, it was likely either Charles Butterworth or an anonymous press agent for Robert Benchley. There are several variations, including "Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini." —tg]


A well-made dry Martini or Gibson, correctly chilled and nicely served, has been more often my true friend than any two-legged creature. ~M.F.K. Fisher, "To the Gibson and Beyond," 1949


I like to have a Martini,
Two at the very most—
After three I'm under the table,
After four I'm under my host.
~Dorothy Parker


One is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. ~James Thurber, 1960  [of martinis —tεᖇᖇ¡·g]


They say a martini is like a woman's breast — one ain't enough and three is too many. ~The Parallax View, 1974, written by David Giler, Lorenzo Semple Jr., and Robert Towne  [Gale —tg]


When I have one martini, I feel bigger, wiser, taller. When I have a second, I feel superlative. When I have more, there's no holding me. ~William Faulkner


By the time I returned to America for keeps in 1937, I had acquired no doubt a selective view of the private Mencken. He was an affable and easy host, a knowing student of theology, and a gifted amateur of medicine and jurisprudence who was willing and qualified to debate enemies into friends. He did not ask for approval of his ideas, only a decent discussion and then a truce accompanied by the sacrament, preferably, of a dry martini, which he once called "the only American invention as perfect as a sonnet." ~Alistair Cooke, "H. L. Mencken: The Public and the Private Face," Six Men, 1977  [a little altered —tg]


This is an excellent martini — sort of tastes like it isn't there at all, just a cold cloud. ~Herman Wouk, 1986


The Quarantini — any martini imbibed in solitude during coronavirus lockdown  ~Internet meme, March 2020


Quarantini — just a regular martini, but you drink it alone at home  ~Internet meme, March 2020


The Quarantini — just add vitamin C to a martini and it's a germ killer and an immunity booster in one! ~Internet meme, March 2020


A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin, then waving it in the general direction of Italy. ~Noël Coward, unverified


Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either. ~P. J. O'Rourke, unverified



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