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Terri Guillemets
Archives — 2019




This is the archive of my publicly published writing from 2019 — the good, the bad, the active and the retired. It includes content written as filler for The Quote Garden as well as my personal journals and writings. —tg, 2023







Quoting is, by a stroke of the pen,
making memories of amassed wisdom
and books and famous thought,
pictures of the mind of a writer,
the essential oil of truth in a notebook,
a catalogue of wonder and the universe;
copying pure nuggets on every page —
wise men and women, sages honoured;
making abstracts — every drop, truth.


      TITLE:  To quote
      SOURCE:  blackout poetry
      DATE:  2019 Jan 3
      NOTES:  Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own, 1929







How like a lovely autumn morning,
      serene middle age —
a sanctuary of mind, a chapel;
the age of faith on a deep foundation,
      and the age of reason;
silver fellowships, libraries and deep reflection,
wine, liberty, a milder manifestation of the soul;
brilliance upon our lips, more profound, subtle;
the rich flame of the good life, how sweet —
      listening to the murmur of change


      TITLE:  Ode to middle age
      SOURCE:  blackout poetry
      DATE:  2019 Jan 3
      NOTES:  Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own, 1929







I’m crying tears of coffee past.


      TITLE:  Withdrawal!
      DATE:  2019 Jan 10







don't disdain the youth their ideals
or their puppy love head-over-heels
eventually they will learn and settle
inevitable retrogress—lover & rebel


      TITLE:  Begrudge
      DATE:  2019 Jan 10







After thirty-four years of writing — I feel that I'm finally about to break free from my juvenilia phase. In a few more years.


      TITLE:  Self-taut
      DATE:  2019 Jan 11







Sometimes what gets to you most isn't the large holes that get ripped from your heart but the fraying of its edges — when what held you together isn't anymore.


      TITLE:  Away
      DATE:  2019 Jan 11
      NOTES:  revised







Prayer is for the grateful and for the grateful-to-be.


      TITLE:  None excluded
      DATE:  2019 Jan 12







We thank
on our knees
with folded hands
for full bellies
and fuller hearts


      TITLE:  Whole body, whole spirit
      DATE:  2019 Jan 12







dancing in the rain
at nature's cloudy party


      TITLE:  Two A.M. drops
      DATE:  2019 Jan 12







With each passing year, the body turns more prison than shelter.


      TITLE:  The feels & frights of aging
      DATE:  2019 Jan 12
      AGE:  forty-five







Love letter:  an inky heartprint.


      TITLE:  S.W.A.K.
      DATE:  2019 Jan 12







A writer's aura is the color of ink.


      TITLE:  Aglow
      DATE:  2019 Jan 12







3 a.m. ink is pure and unfiltered —
specks of truth glimmer in candlelight


      TITLE:  Insomnia ink
      DATE:  2019 Jan 13







Hope follows death. It has to, or death serves no purpose.


      TITLE:  Earthglow
      DATE:  2019 Jan 15







I read an article stating that cats don't understand death the way humans do, so they don't fear it like we do. I think they understand better than we do and therefore don't fear it like we do.


      TITLE:  Understanding death
      DATE:  2019 Jan 17







The last breath is as sacred as the first.


      TITLE:  Trails
      DATE:  2019 Jan 21







A beating heart needs a soul to go with it, or it's nothing but a machine.


      TITLE:  Spirit-gears
      DATE:  2019 Jan 21







You don't always have to pray  for  something, or  to  someone — you can just simply pray.


      TITLE:  Emanate
      DATE:  2019 Jan 21







Death drops the outer shell and lets the pure inner light shine—
O spirit, glow like the bright colorful star you've been all along!


      DATE:  2019 Jan 23







Some things in our lives are as constant as the sun and others as fleeting as a shooting star. But we are thankful for all light that brightens our paths.


      TITLE:  Rays & flickers
      DATE:  2019 Jan 23







Middle age — a stealthy, crafty nemesis.


      TITLE:  What 45 feels like at 3 a.m.
      DATE:  2019 Jan 26







Missing you isn't just an empty void — it's what-ifs and questions and endless thoughts and bittersweet memories and runaway feelings and emotions that can't get a hold on anything physical so just slip and slide around my mind, and hide and re-emerge.


      TITLE:  Holes & tears
      DATE:  2019 Jan 26







My grief is like a magician's endless scarf — the more I let out the more there is.


      TITLE:  Grief at dark of night
      DATE:  2019 Jan 26







GRIEF  is…

Grief is a feeling of drowning.

Grief is incompleteness.

Grief is aloneness.

Grief is sometimes indistinguishable from guilt.

Grief is selfish.

Grief is universal.

Grief is a continuation of love.

Grief is slowly letting go over years.

Grief is 33% of my insides.

Grief is part of being a family.

Grief is inextricable from life.

Grief is lost chances, lost hopes, lost friendships, lost youth.

Grief is unavoidable.

Grief is unstoppable sinking.

Grief is so much more than just death.

Grief is childlessness.

Grief is something you can pause, bookmark, and pick up on later.

Grief is an entire army of emotions.

Grief is a creature you can't outrun.

Grief is relieved by talking with a ghost.

Grief is relived by talking with a ghost.

Grief is a look behind many people's eyes.

Grief is easier in springtime & summer than autumn & winter.

Grief is the real reason behind many other emotions and actions.

Grief is neverending.

Grief is exhausting.

Grief is when memories hurt.

Grief is a part of every breath.

Grief is reading the farewell poem that Death wrote to you.

Grief is a hug from your psyche:  the kind when you're held from behind and it makes you just start bawling.

Grief is easy to feel and difficult to let go of.

Grief is incapable of being caught by words.

Grief is dried leaves, but that doesn't mean you can't dance amongst their beauty and remember the green tree.

Grief is quickly rehydrated with sudden tears.

Grief is a hammer-blow to the heart.

Grief is both silent and vocal.

Grief is not a black hole but a prismatic abyss dispersing all colors of memories, love, and feelings.

Grief is a part of life as much as it is a part of death.

Grief is many a lyric in many a sad song.

Grief is washing sorrow clean with your tears.

Grief is not nearly as bad if there are no regrets.

Grief is the basis of half my poems.

Grief is a friend in its own right.


      TITLE:  Grief is listless
      DATE:  2019 Jan 30
      NOTES:  freewriting







Grief is reading —
over and over again —
the goodbye poem
Death wrote to you


      DATE:  2019 Jan 30







We picked up your ashes today —

when I look at them, I see bone
      when I close my eyes
            — I see light

Something like an invisible hand
      raises my lowered chin
            — “Keep looking up”
Was that your gesture? or God’s?

      I loved you on earth
      and I love you beyond
            — Welcome home


      TITLE:  We picked up your ashes today
      DATE:  2019 Feb 11







Some weeds are nourishing, and some medicinal;
Some are beautiful, colorful, and downright flowery;
And yet others, even those that pop up one fine morning
as the tiniest innocent young sprouts of green —
are relentless, run riot, and are one hundred and ten percent determined as  @#!%  to  @#!%  up your  @#!%  yard if it @#!% kills  the @#!%  both of you!




      TITLE:  Desert weeds after heavy rains
      DATE:  2019 Feb 12







As Earth sways us from winter to spring
Nature begins her grace of glorious green


      TITLE:  Green grace
      DATE:  2019 Feb 12







Grieving is being
      at the bottom
      of quicksand
      trying to claw
      my way up —
because I need to breathe

When you died, my
      breath left with you
      my lungs, my life —
are filled with half-breaths

I’m thankful for your life is all that gets me through


      TITLE:  Half-breaths
      DATE:  2019 Feb 25







Transform  FEAR  into —

curiosity, love, kindness, humor, hope, joy, knowledge, focus, laughter, awareness, wonder, willpower, wings, experience, faith, fervor, challenge, gratitude, encouragement, enlightenment, goodwill, action, learning, beginnings, opportunity, aim, determination, adventure, character, smiles, hard work, independence, letting go, peace, patience, perspective, calmness, confidence, effort, insight, energy, light, movement, living, overcoming, mindfulness, healing, grace, generosity, acceptance, reflection, remedies, truth-seeking, self-reliance, desire, fight, fortitude, freedom, intention, lessons, journeys, poise, positivity, art, poetry, singing, dancing, words, wisdom, wellness, trust, respect, compassion, affirmation, friendship, fun, fresh starts, stepping stones, goals, dreams, drive, duty, empathy, grit, cheer, excitement, apologies, forgiveness, plans, prayers, purpose, life, questions, answers, coping, daring, helping, morale, moxie, nerve, heart, guts, resolve, self-discipline, spirit, tenacity, understanding, research, enthusiasm, valor, caution, courage, boldness, ability, zeal, readiness, information, meditation, mettle, options, decisions, protest, change, education, volition, carpe diem, honesty, introspection, usefulness, appreciation, blessings, delight, dignity, hugs, deep breathing, doing, vantage, U-turns, exploration, growth, invitations, value, virtue, venture


      TITLE:  A thousand choices
      DATE:  2019 Mar 1







GRIEF  twists the heart
and contorts the mind
carves the spirit hollow
wrings the past to tears
torrentially obscuring future

LOVE  saturates memory
until sorrow overflows
into every pore of the present

ALL  you feel is emptiness
and a lump in the throat
platitudes no consolation —
but living on nonetheless


      TITLE:  Grieving to the marrow
      DATE:  2019 Mar 2







tea for one
memories for two
embrace the alone
drink to hope


      TITLE:  Dregs of faith
      DATE:  2019 Mar 2







Immediate grief is a falling to the knees, a bleeding of the heart, a blow to the soul. Ongoing grief is a getting up; a call to move on; a healing and strengthening; a melding of soul with sorrow, with loss, with life; a transforming of self to renewed being, rebuilt with the leavings of another.


      TITLE:  Forever lit with the soul of another
      DATE:  2019 Mar 5
      NOTES:  prose version







Immediate grief —
      a falling to the knees
      a bleeding of the heart
      a blow to the soul

Ongoing grief —
      a getting up
      a call to move on
      a healing & strengthening
      a melding of soul
            with sorrow
            with loss
            with life
      a transforming of self
            to renewed being
            rebuilt with the
            leavings of another


      TITLE:  Forever lit with the soul of another
      DATE:  2019 Mar 5
      NOTES:  poetic version







Exhausted.  🥴


      TITLE:  Exhaustion. A Poem.
      DATE:  2019 Mar 24







Sometimes control hurts more than chaos.


      DATE:  2019 Mar 27
      NOTES:  revised







three o'clock—
anxiety, regret
in the depths of worry
swept away in the
whirlwind of nothing—
a horrible nothing


      TITLE:  Insomnia ticking
      SOURCE:  blackout poetry
      DATE:  2019 Apr 6
      NOTES:  Octave Mirbeau, The Diary of a Chambermaid, 1891–1900







Death abandoned me at the edge of the abyss.


      TITLE:  Far & near
      SOURCE:  blackout poetry
      DATE:  2019 Apr 6
      NOTES:  Octave Mirbeau, The Diary of a Chambermaid, 1891–1900







When you're used to seeing someone day after day, for years on end, and then suddenly they're gone, you


      TITLE:  Abrupt
      DATE:  2019 Apr 7







Nature is now.
Humans are a tangled mess of past, present, and future.


      DATE:  2019 Apr 20







Poetic words flow much better in pleasant climes—
Springtime and autumn, more friendly for rhymes
Winter’s good too, we self-reflect well in cold times
But blazing summer melts words & numbs minds!


      TITLE:  Spring’s sure well-done over, at 100°
      DATE:  2019 Apr 25







Grief bores holes
in our hearts & heads
like a woodpecker
— peck peck peck
— knock knock knock
You can't make it stop
Eventually it flies away
— but leaves pits
that never fully heal


      DATE:  2019 May 4







After reading countless health books over the past couple of decades, I can tell you it pretty much all boils down to this:  Eat plenty of veggies, work, play, rest, and don't worry.


      TITLE:  Saving y’all some time
      DATE:  2019 May 8







The candle of prayer answers the darkness.


      TITLE:  Questions in the dark
      DATE:  2019 May 8







Early summer, late at night
Pleasant sweet-smelling air
Clouds veiling a half-lit moon
Scorpius crawling up the sky
Tree-hid birds awake chirping
Lone dog barking in its yard
Startled stray cats darting
Crickets playing insistent songs
Quiet of people gone to bed
Mellow breezes gently stirring
Damp-grass lawns subtly cooling
Street lights too brightly illuming
Saguaro blooms softly glowing


      TITLE:  City-desert nightwalk
      DATE:  2019 May 11







The glow of the moon is poetry
The blossoming of flowers is poetry
The blossoming of woman is poetry
The glow of woman is poetry —
      and even more so, because
      the light comes from within.


      TITLE:  Glows & blossoms
      DATE:  2019 May 17







Mama dove paces the fencetop above her injured baby
It tries to fly with wounded wing, feathers not in sync
She waits, waits through afternoon and into nightfall
As patiently as love itself — life fluttering on the brink


      TITLE:  May birds of spirit
      DATE:  2019 May 26







the  pᖇ!@%$  and the  d!@#$ and the yayholes
rudely driving round the big city streets —
just avoid them and get yourself home safely
ditch the memory and be happy in peace


      TITLE:  Don't drive yourself crazy
      DATE:  2019 May 26
      NOTES:  revised







It's not that the people
with nice shiny attitudes
have not been banged up—
but they buff out their
dings and scratches with
gratitude and positivity
perspective and grace
resilience and courage
with purpose and faith.


      TITLE:  How to shine
      DATE:  2019 May 27







The shadows are falling the same as they were last year—
the early summer calm sounds the same as it did last year
as it did at this same time last year, when the babies died
when the babies died, and the mama grieved for days.


      TITLE:  This time last year
      DATE:  2019 May 27
      NOTES:  revised







Grieving makes us stronger
      it gives us a spirit of grace
      and the grace of spirit —
Our hearts feel weaker
      but living past loss is
      the ultimate courage —
We honor our loved ones
      by living on despite,
      and all the more because.


      TITLE:  Memorial
      DATE:  2019 May 27
      NOTES:  revised







Aging is millions of moments
stacked upon tumbling years


      TITLE:  Precarious
      DATE:  2019 Jun 3







Nature is gasping
      for breath
under Humans
      the stranglers


      DATE:  2019 Jun 5







Outside my window —
      spring birds rally:
      warbles and chirps
      nests, trees, eggs —
      avian clamor


      SOURCE:  blackout poetry
      DATE:  2019 Jun 8
      NOTES:  Abby Geni, The Lightkeepers, 2016







I've got health by garden, a life of meaning and light.


      TITLE:  Health by garden
      SOURCE:  blackout poetry
      DATE:  2019 Jun 11
      NOTES:  Alice Walker, The Temple of My Familiar, 1989







my life is like
a dust storm in fog
nonstop thunder
that i thought
was my heartbeat


      TITLE:  Clear as mud
      DATE:  2019 Jun 19







I’m trapped in reality —
Come rescue me, angel of dreams.


      TITLE:  Confabulations
      SOURCE:  blackout poetry
      DATE:  2019 Jul 10
      NOTES:  Connie Willis, Passage, 2001







Eating a lot of garbage and dessert-obsessive
for several months, I put on a few pounds
      — and more.

Waddling is hell, and fat is a problem for the heart
      — I’m hungry & in pain.

Waist weight is a cruel joke, and age is no help.


      TITLE:  Midlife midriff
      SOURCE:  blackout poetry
      DATE:  2019 Jul 19
      NOTES:  David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day, 2000







A flock of honking geese
just flew over my city backyard
goosebumps, I got goosebumps

never, ever have I seen this
beautiful feat of nature from
my own little speck I call home

for an awesome morning moment
all my human burdens forgotten


      TITLE:  Goosebumps
      DATE:  2019 Jul 31







Let go —
Open the cage of mind
Let the grief out
Reach for the health and peace
      growing outside the cage —
Yes! Now's the time.


      TITLE:  Think outside the cage
      SOURCE:  blackout poetry
      DATE:  2019 Aug 3
      NOTES:  Rafe Martin, Birdwing, 2005







like wild animals, i am happy hiding
the artificial frightens my being —
but it is time to fight for the Earth!


      TITLE:  Fight for our lives
      SOURCE:  blackout poetry
      DATE:  2019 Aug 3
      NOTES:  Rafe Martin, Birdwing, 2005







for want of wings
we have been earthbound —
but hearts and dreams soar


      TITLE:  For want of wings
      SOURCE:  blackout poetry
      DATE:  2019 Aug 3
      NOTES:  Rafe Martin, Birdwing, 2005







Her smiling girl-heart danced
behind the grey, grey hair.


      TITLE:  Girl-heart
      SOURCE:  blackout poetry
      DATE:  2019 Aug 5
      NOTES:  Enid Bagnold, National Velvet, 1935







Let’s get drunk at the library
      and have a book party!

“What a good time!” she said
      in an excited whisper.


      TITLE:  Book party!
      SOURCE:  blackout poetry
      DATE:  2019 Aug 19
      NOTES:  F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby, 1925







in bed at night his mind had a ferocious imagination
reality and unreality haunted his turbulent brain
the years ticked, an infinite clock of destiny

searching moonlight for the promise of a future
his reveries of heart were coasting on a fairy’s wing
as the world and universe drifted by fantastic shores

but the sea, work, and women — physical outlets —
were his anchor — something old, hard, and soft


      TITLE:  Fantastic shores
      SOURCE:  blackout poetry
      DATE:  2019 Aug 20
      NOTES:  F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby, 1925







Fortune is a centaur —
half man, half luck.


      TITLE:  Hoofprints
      DATE:  2019 Sep 4







WILD
is beautiful
wild is free —

wilderness is not
an empty canvas
for Man to do
what he will—

wilderness is
an already full canvas
painted by God


      TITLE:  WILD'ness
      DATE:  2019 Sep 4







I read a book and pick out the quotes.


      TITLE:  What I do
      SOURCE:  blackout poetry
      DATE:  2019 Sep 18
      NOTES:  Sally Smith O’Rourke, The Man Who Loved Jane Austen, 2001



     








Winter is a white-gray paradise blunted of details — the simple season.


      DATE:  2019 Oct 1







October’s autumn
casts a gentle light
and a calm serenity
before the stark
barrenness of winter
is born to November


      TITLE:  The fall of October
      DATE:  2019 Oct 3







Moonlight is a beautiful and comforting reminder that the sun is still out there somewhere.


      TITLE:  Glow, shine, reflect
      DATE:  2019 Oct 13







At a certain point, some of us just sit down and watch the rest of our lives go by.

Don't let it happen to you!


      TITLE:  Daze in a rut
      DATE:  2019 Oct 26







sand-dust with cream
intensely mauve'd rust
velvety blue-grey-indigo —
layers of early winter's
desert dawn horizon


      TITLE:  Muted striations
      DATE:  2019 Oct 27
      LOCATION:  PҺoenᎥᶍ  ArᎥɀønα







Yes!
the delightful serenity of an autumn breeze
colorful leaves meandering as they please


      TITLE:  Change is in the air
      DATE:  2019 Oct 28







It is said that the body will heal itself of many things, if we will allow it to do its job and not overburden it with remedies — the same is true of our spirit and soul.


      TITLE:  Quiet healing
      DATE:  2019 Nov 4
      NOTES:  revised







Regret is the glue that makes grief stick around for a lifetime.


      TITLE:  Why we can't let go
      DATE:  2019 Nov 5







first cold-weather storm of the season
yellow leaves flying off windy trees
birds pecking out a last-minute snack
sudden rain pelting shivering shrubs


      TITLE:  November storm
      DATE:  2019 Nov 19







Why does cold weather refresh old griefs?
      More quiet for reflection?
      Longer nights to lie awake?
Like citrus, grief is a winter fruit.


      TITLE:  Memories shiver
      DATE:  2019 Nov 24
      NOTES:  revised







In my mind —
      I’ve tried a million
      times to go back
      to that day —
tried to change
      my choices
begged a do-over
      from the universe
I’ve crippled myself with
      guilt
      sorrow
thrashing the quicksand
      sinking in
      layers of grief
fighting a sticky web
      trapped in
      regret-regret-regret
I don’t even care about
      my own
      broken heart
I’m sorry
      I broke yours


      TITLE:  A January day that lives forever
      DATE:  2019 Nov 24







I like people who don't take life too seriously but who do take very seriously the gratitude for being alive.


      DATE:  2019 Dec 7










Terri Guillemets
Archives — 2019






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