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Quotations about
Driving, Vehicles, Transportation
Welcome to my page of quotations about cars, driving, traffic, commuting, transportation, road rage, vehicles, road safety, etc.
An object at rest tends to stay at rest, especially if you're behind it when the light turns green. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
Any suburban mother can state her role sardonically enough in a sentence: it is to deliver children — obstetrically once and by car forever after. ~Peter De Vries, in LIFE, 1956
Suburban life is merely motherhood on wheels. ~Peter De Vries, in LIFE, 1956
The civilized man has built a coach, but has lost the use of his feet. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
A pedestrian is a man who missed the payments on his car. ~Bill Holman, "Auto Suggestions," in The Travelers Insurance Company, Thou Shalt Not Kill!, 1935
Americans are broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater, and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there is something wrong with him. ~Art Buchwald, "How Un-American Can You Get?," Have I Ever Lied to You?, 1966
When buying a used car, punch the buttons on the radio. If all the stations are rock and roll, there's a good chance the transmission is shot. ~Larry Lujack, as quoted in Robert Byrne, The Fifth and Far Finer than the First Four 637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said, 1993
Car sickness is the feeling some persons get when each month's installment comes due. ~The Speaker's Book of Illustrations by Herbert V. Prochnow, 1960
A commuter tie-up consists of you — and people who for some reason won't use public transit. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
One time the police stopped me for speeding, and they said "oh, you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour." I said, "yah, I know, but I wasn't going to be out that long." ~Steven Wright, A Steven Wright Special, 1985, stevenwright.com
Once caught for a parking ticket, I pleaded insanity. ~Steven Wright, A Steven Wright Special, 1985, stevenwright.com
Road rage is the expression of the amateur sociopath in all of us, cured by running into a professional. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. ~Bill Vaughan, as quoted in The Reader's Digest, 1976
Every year it takes less time to fly across the ocean and longer to drive to the office. ~Raymond Duncan, in The Saturday Evening Post, as quoted in The Reader's Digest, 1956
It helps if you don't see it as traffic but rather as thousands of individuals resolved to press on another day. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
An American is a motorist who spends a lot of money for a garage, and then parks his car outside. ~20,000 Quips & Quotes, Evan Esar, 1968
The elderly don't drive that badly; they're just the only ones with time to do the speed limit. ~Jason Love
Making a left turn in L.A. is one of the harder things you're going to learn in life. ~Lawrence Kasdan and Meg Kasdan, Grand Canyon (movie), 1991, spoken by the character Mack
Take most people, they're crazy about cars. They worry if they get a little scratch on them, and they're always talking about how many miles they get to a gallon, and if they get a brand-new car already they start thinking about trading it in for one that's even newer. I don't even like old cars. I mean they don't even interest me. I'd rather have a goddam horse. A horse is at least human, for God's sake. ~J. D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, 1951 [Holden Caulfield
I used to work for the factory where they make hydrants, but you couldn't park anywhere near the place. ~Steven Wright, A Steven Wright Special, 1985, stevenwright.com
Space is a never-ending race track. The thermal shock region on the prow of our solar system, for example, is screaming through the heavens at 490,000 miles an hour. Earth is hurtling round the sun at 67,000 miles an hour. God, it seems, is a complete speed freak. ~Top Gear, series 16, episode 6
Driving makes 100-horsepower bullies out of many. ~The Travelers Insurance Company, Thou Shalt Not Kill!, 1935
The biggest problem facing motorists today is whiplash. You get it from watching the price of gas go up. ~Robert Orben, 2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches, 1984
The idea that a tax on something keeps anybody from buying it is a lot of "hooey." They put it on gasoline all over the country and it hasn't kept a soul at home a single night or day. You could put a dollar a gallon on and still a pedestrian couldn't cross the street with safety without armor. ~Will Rogers, 1932
Let a woman be as false as she can, and able to fool her husband to the top of her bent, she is, compared with the man who wishes to sell you a horse, openness and truth itself. ~W. H. Hudson, The Purple Land, 1885 [A quote about car salesmen before cars existed!
The only way to solve the Traffic problems of this Country is to pass a law that only paid-for Cars are allowed to use the Highways. That would make traffic so scarce we could use our Boulevards for Children's play grounds. ~Will Rogers
Automobiling is a joy, sublime,
If you've enough gas and your tires are fine!
~Gertrude Tooley Buckingham, "Automobiling and Hiking," 1940s
We do not like modern motor vehicles, and we do not like motoring. But it is no use sitting in splendid isolation upon our hillside pontificating about the evils of this motorized age when there is no way of getting our hundredweight bag of cement up the hill. ~Elizabeth West, "The simple life, on a pittance," Hovel in the Hills: An Account of 'The Simple Life', 1977
STREET CARS Just one jammed thing after another. ~Charles Wayland Towne, The Altogether New Foolish Dictionary, by Gideon Wurdz, 1914
A motorcycle is okay until you hit gravel. ~Ernest Hemingway, as quoted in A. E. Hotchner, The Good Life According To Hemingway, 2008
Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car. ~E.B. White
The Lord Chief Justice of England recently said that the greater part of his judicial time was spent investigating collisions between propelled vehicles, each on its own side of the road, each sounding its horn and each stationary. ~Philip Guedalla, as quoted in The Reader's Digest, 1936
The number of automobiles in the country is increasing at a rate that makes one wonder if a
It was almost four of the afternoon and the traffic of the street had taken its customary leisurely drop before the next hour's
The ground is full of subway,
The air is full of El,
The streets are full of taxicab,
And I don't feel so well.
~W. T., "A Stranger in New York," 1926
...but his own vehicle had been a wreck of rust and nostalgia. ~Abby Geni, The Wildlands, 2018
Time, tide and trolleys wait for no man. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1903, George Horace Lorimer, editor
An old fellow of the ultra inquisitive order asked a little girl on board the train, who was sitting by her mother, as to her name, destination, &c. After learning that she was going to the City, he asked, "What motive is taking you thither, my dear?" "I believe they call it the locomotive, sir," was the reply. ~The New Joe Miller's Jest Book, Containing a Selection of the Most Laughter-Provoking Witticisms, Comicalities, Yankee Drolleries, Puns, Bon Mots, Repartees, &c., &c., &c., Ever Published, 1865
A freight train was clanking down the valley. It gave that long dissonant mournful cry of American trains, that sound which seems to light up for a second the immense distances and loneliness of that country. ~J. B. Priestley, Midnight on the Desert: A Chapter of Autobiography, 1917
Four-way stops are strange inventions
That seem to bring out all our worst;
In spite of our best intentions,
We just can't wait to drive off first!
~William Arthur Ward (1921–1994)
Drive carefully enough for yourself and the other fellow too, because the chances are he isn't. ~Don Herold, "Brother, Can You Spare Five Minutes?," 1934
Recklessness is a species of crime and should be so regarded on our streets and highways. ~Marlen E. Pew, in The Travelers Insurance Company, Thou Shalt Not Kill!, 1935
Nothing has been said, nothing done, which has any meaning to the brazen motorist who is more intent upon arriving at his destination through the exercise of course and inhuman individualism than he is to conserve decent safety for the lives of others, or indeed, his own precious hide. It is a kind of madness, which historians of the future will regard as of a piece with the dare-devil spirit of the American people in this age... The appalling casualty list shames civilization, exceeds all reason, violates all the laws of God and man. ~Marlen E. Pew, in The Travelers Insurance Company, Thou Shalt Not Kill!, 1935
Automobiles are not ferocious... it is man who is to be feared. ~Robbins B. Stoeckel, c.1931
There's the hub of this whole accident business. Probably nine-tenths of our automobile accidents are caused by people trying to save five minutes... If everybody in America would resolve to contribute five minutes a day to the cause of automobile safety, we could cut the death and accident toll in two. Five minutes a day. Brother, can you spare five minutes a day?... Five minutes a day will keep the ambulance away. ~Don Herold, "Brother, Can You Spare Five Minutes?," 1934
For every "Drive Safely" sign, shouldn't there be a "Resume Normal Driving" sign? ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
Ah, yes — the ubiquitous highway "Text Stop." Formerly known as "Rest Stop. No Facilities." Useful for travelers starting to drip text into their pants. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com, 2019
Gas — they call a liquid "gas." ~Jeremy Clarkson [on Americans not calling gasoline "petrol"
Pig: I'm afraid to carpool... I'm afraid the car will get trapped in a tunnel, and with all the people inside, I won't be able to get out.
Goat: That's a very specific fear. Is there a name for it?
Pig: Carpool tunnel syndrome.
~Stephan Pastis, Pearls Before Swine (comic strip), 2014, gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine
My own system is to expect the world's prize idiot around every next corner... At the intersection, I always imagine the other intersecting artery filled with morons. And I slow down to offset their moronity with a double dose of my own sanity. ~Don Herold, "Brother, Can You Spare Five Minutes?," 1934
The hardest spot to find a parking place is usually in a one-car garage. ~20,000 Quips & Quotes, Evan Esar, 1968
A little ordinary courtesy would help, also. We are usually pretty peaceful in our attitude towards our fellow man, but the minute we get behind a steering wheel, we seem to regard every man as our enemy. ~Don Herold, "Brother, Can You Spare Five Minutes?," 1934
Behind the wheel is one of the least likely places to have our faith in humanity restored. ~Terri Guillemets
Well, son, it's this way — unfortunately, increasin' th' hoss power don't increase th' hoss sense any. ~Gaar Williams, 1933
Twisting paths of golden light,
Among them ruby trails
That pierce the black and shining night
Like darting comet tails.
~Tom Prideaux (1908–1993), "Night Traffic in the Rain," c.1922
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do. ~Jason Love
Speed Limit – A sign that tells you at what speed the car that's rapidly fading from view in your rearview mirror is going; a law that provides the sole means of support for many small-town police departments. ~Richard E. Turner (1937–2011), The Grammar Curmudgeon, a.k.a. "The Mudge," from "The Curmudgeon's Short Dictionary of Modern Phrases," c.2009
Here lies the body of William Jay,
Who died maintaining his right of way.
He was right as he sped along,
But he's just as dead
As if he'd been wrong.
~Anonymous fan of Eddie Cantor, quoted in The Travelers Insurance Company, Thou Shalt Not Kill!, 1935
Your radiator's busted,
And your dustpan's on the bum;
Your gearshift's dry and rusted,
And you cannot go or come...
Your windshield's broke, your starter's stuck,
The rear-end lights won't burn;
In fact, old top, you're out of luck
And hardly worth a durn.
~"Your Radiator's Busted," in The "Wrecks" (An Anthology of Ribald Verse Collected at Reno), c.1933
For jaywalkers every year is leap year. ~Bill Holman, "Auto Suggestions," in The Travelers Insurance Company, Thou Shalt Not Kill!, 1935
He drives like a demon, even though
He hasn't a single place to go.
He cuts around when chances are slim—
Danger to others means naught to him.
~The Travelers Insurance Company, Thou Shalt Not Kill!, 1935
And I, I took the road less traveled by. I was using a GPS system. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
It finally happened. I got the GPS lady so confused, she said, "In one-quarter mile, make a legal stop and ask directions." ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
...they both knew that the basis of her invariable reluctance about new cars was not thrift but sentiment. She simply could not endure the moment when the old one was driven away.
As for cars, they were in a class apart, somewhere between furniture and dogs. It wasn't, with her, a question of the pathetic fallacy. She did not pretend to herself that cars had souls or even minds (though anybody, seeing the difference that can exist between one mass-produced car and another, might be excused for believing that they have at least some embryonic form of temperament). No, it was simply a matter of mise en scène. A car, nowadays, was such an integral part of one's life, provided the aural and visual accompaniment to so many of one's thoughts, feelings, conversations, decisions, that it had acquired at least the status of a room in one's house. To part from it, whatever its faults, was to lose a familiar piece of background.
~Jan Struther, Mrs. Miniver
Two-hundred forty horsepower isn't enough to move me anymore. Enough to move my body, yes, but not my soul. ~S. A. Sachs
Driving a brand new car feels like riding around in an open billfold with dollars flapping by as they fly out the windows. ~Terri Guillemets, "What's new is already old," 1994
Drinking & Driving, Texting & Driving, Impaired & Distracted Driving
Booze and gasoline make a deadly mixture. ~Denver Post, c.1934
If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while. ~Joseph Schenck
If you must drink and drive… drink Pepsi! ~PepsiCo, Inc. bumper sticker, 1976
...the driver who cannot command his own faculties is a social menace of the first order. ~Niagara Falls Gazette, c.1934
Beneath this slab
John Brown is stowed.
He watched the ads,
And not the road.
~Ogden Nash (1902–1971), "Lather As You Go"
Cell phone: a private convenience that has become a public nuisance. ~Richard E. Turner (1937–2011), The Grammar Curmudgeon, a.k.a. "The Mudge," "Cell Phone-itis and Other Technological Diseases," 2004
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Last saved 2024 Apr 14 Sun 14:46 CDT