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Quotations about
Coffee and Caffeine
This morning's forecast: 100% chance of coffee ~Keith Wynn
The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, "Over the Teacups," 1890
The fact that I'm upright is credit to our french press. ~Elementary, "Pushing Buttons," 2018, written by Jeffrey Paul King
If you want to improve your understanding, drink coffee. Sir James Mackintosh used to say, he believed the difference between one man and another was produced by the quantity of coffee he drank. ~Sydney Smith, quoted in A Memoir of the Reverend Sydney Smith: Volume I by his daughter Lady Saba Holland with A Selection From His Letters edited by Mrs. Austin, 1855
At this point in my life, I am more coffee than man. ~Keith Wynn
I want to hear the simmer
Of the old coffee pot;
I want to hear it hummin'
When it's gettin' good and hot;
I want to see the vapor rise,
Like incense in the room,
And float about a-fillin'
Every corner with perfume.
~John W. Fellows, "The Old Coffee Pot," in The People's Home Journal, 1903
As a rule, I do not approve of messing around with coffee. No sugar, no milk, no chocolate, hazelnuts, cinnamon, no nothing... Just drink it black, the way God does. ~Clay Thompson (1949–2018), “I put egg shells in my coffee,” The Arizona Republic, 2014
Coffee in styrofoam is against my religion. ~Betsy Cañas Garmon, @wildthyme, tweet, 2009, betsygarmon.com [Amen, Sister!
But what is coffee, but a noxious berry,
Born to keep used-up Londoners awake?
~Charles Stuart Calverley, "Beer," Verses and Translations, 1862
A cup of coffee, — real coffee, — home-browned, home-ground, home-made, that comes to you dark as a hazel-eye, but changes to a golden bronze as you temper it with cream that never cheated, but was real cream from its birth, thick, tenderly yellow, perfectly sweet, neither lumpy nor frothing on the Java: such a cup of coffee is a match for twenty blue devils, and will exorcise them all. Involuntarily one draws in his breath by the nostrils. The fragrant savor fills his senses with pleasure; for no coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odor to the nostrils. ~Henry Ward Beecher, "Haying"
There's nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee. ~Rian Aditia
Is “enthusiastically” an appropriate answer when someone asks me how I take my coffee? ~Keith Wynn
TOM HACKETT: This is my personal stash of Yorkshire Gold. Feel free to help yourself, please. But, if you do take the last tea bag, could you not put the box back empty?
DAMIEN ASANTE: I drink coffee, man. This is America.
~The InBetween, 2019, written by Moira Kirland
I'm a coffee is half-full kind of girl. ~Terri Guillemets, "Down–mid–uptown," 1994
I believe in living life one coffee cup at a time. ~Keith Wynn
I love the smell of roses
Along about in June;
And I'd hang around and listen
To almost any tune;
But the fragrance and the music
That nothin' else has got
Are the odor and the simmer
Of the old coffee pot.
~John W. Fellows, "The Old Coffee Pot," in The People's Home Journal, 1903
All's fair in love and war — and coffee. ~South Park, "Gnomes," 1998, written by Brady, Parker, Stone, Goodman, and Pimental
"What kind of icing do you fellows want?"...
"Moffee!" said Elizabeth...
"You mean coffee mocha?"
"Yup. Moffee cocoa."
~Frances Frost, Uncle Snowball, 1940
Replace therefore your morning-coffee by a hearty breakfast... If you refuse doing so, then have it your own way; but in that case do not afterwards complain of your wretchedness and misery, and if the frame of your body should give way, then you may be sure that you yourself contributed most powerfully towards its downfall... those who are so fond of coffee that the very word coffee acts on them like a charm... ~Sebastian Kneipp, Thus Shalt Thou Live: Hints and Advice for the Healthy and the Sick on a Simple and Rational Mode of Life and a Natural Method of Cure, 1889, translated from the 19th German edition
COFFEE. — This is probably the favorite stimulant of most Americans... Coffee has no actual food value, except for a small quantity of sugar and protein which may be dissolved form it. It should be regarded as a stimulant, therefore, not as a true food. ~Everybody's Cook Book, 1924
They now say that coffee can cause heart attacks. Only if the machine runs out! ~Robert Orben, 2100 Laughs For All Occasions, 1983
Coffee, and I'm a warrior
Tea, a philosopher
Wine, a lover
Water, a napper
~Terri Guillemets
You are only as strong as the coffee you drink. ~Keith Wynn
Hot coffee and cold winter mornings are two of the best soul mates who ever did find each other. ~Terri Guillemets, "Soul warmth," 2010
DAVE THE BARISTA: Tall half-skinny, half-two-percent, extra hot, split quad shot latte with whip.
SHERLOCK: Coffee orders — the Magna Carta was less complicated.
~Elementary, "Lesser Evils," 2012, written by Liz Friedman
Does fear of accidentally taking a sip of decaf count as a phobia? ~Keith Wynn
Coffee has two virtues, it is wet and warm. ~Dutch proverb
Two wrongs do not make a right, but two cups of coffee sure as hell do! ~Keith Wynn
I always get too high and fidgety with two cups. ~Stephen Dixon, "Question," 1978
Sometimes when I over-indulge in coffee, it is as if I hear with other organs besides those of hearing. I startle easily, before the actual noise happens. ~Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742–1799), "The Character of a Person of my Acquaintance" [A little altered. Lichtenberg's unfinished "autopsychography" (Norman Alliston, 1908).
My morning cutoff for coffee is when my hands turn earthquake and my eyes go double-exposure. ~Terri Guillemets, "Coffee at the office is only 25¢!," 2006
It's 6:55 am and I'm on my third cup of coffee. By noon, I'll be able to solve advanced problems in quantum physics. ~Keith Wynn
I looove plenty of coffee
the energy, my heart racing
thinking foolishly optimistic
coffee BUZZ coffee coffee
— awake until 3 A.M.!
~Terri Guillemets, "Coffee fool," 2019, blackout poetry created from T. Greenwood, The Golden Hour, 2017
I can't stop drinking the coffee. I stop drinking the coffee, I stop doing the standing and the walking and the words-putting-into-sentence doing. ~Gilmore Girls, "Luke Can See Her Face," 2004, written by Amy Sherman-Palladino and Daniel Palladino
Too much coffee! — the caffeine starts muttering, my mind goes stumbling, my jitters go jiggy. ~Terri Guillemets
Me before coffee: today is really going to be a struggle. Me after coffee: I'm the king of the world!!! ~Keith Wynn
Coffee makes me invincible. But when the cup is empty, I return to mere mortal. ~Terri Guillemets, "Morning armor," 2009
Dear people who like decaf: With all due respect, why? ~Keith Wynn
The three associated beverages — cocoa, tea, and coffee — are known to the French as aromatic drinks. Each of these has its characteristic aroma. The fragrance and flavor are so marked that they cannot be imitated by any artificial product, although numerous attempts have been made in regard to all three. ~Walter Baker & Co., Ltd., Chocolate and Cocoa Recipes, 1916
Has anyone else noticed that coffee is a really good listener? ~Keith Wynn
Nothing is sad on a beautiful morning save to look down and realize you just had the last sip of coffee and the mug sits indifferently empty. ~Terri Guillemets
And you know very well that coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical. ~Jonathan Swift
I don't understand decaf, it's like sex without the sex. ~A. C. Van Cherub
I think the main ingredient in decaf coffee is disappointment. ~Keith Wynn
Coffee makes grisly mornings bearable. ~Terri Guillemets
He said, "I'm ordering coffee with the meal.
Hot black coffee in a great big cup,
Fuming, steaming, filled right up.
I don't want coffee iced in a glass,
And I don't want a miserable demi-tasse,
But what I'll have, come woe, come weal,
Is coffee with, coffee with, coffee with the meal."
~Ogden Nash (1902–1971), "Coffee with the Meal"
Serious question: back in the days before coffee, did people just basically die? ~Keith Wynn
An American will go to hell for a bag of coffee. ~American proverb
I'm on coffee #5 and I suddenly want to become a motivational speaker. ~Keith Wynn
This coffee tastes like mud!
Well, it was ground this morning.
~Old joke
Lists "coffee" as family member when filling out forms. ~Keith Wynn
I went to the Coffee Club and heard very good discourse... ~Samuel Pepys, diary, 1660
Coffee (which makes the politician wise,
And see thro' all things with his half-shut eyes)...
~Alexander Pope, "The Rape of the Lock," 1711–1712 ["A sarcastic allusion to the pretentious talk of the would-be politicians who frequented coffee-houses. These oracles were a standing topic of ridicule." ~Whitwell Elwin
I'm not sure if I've had too much coffee, or if it's had me. ~Terri Guillemets
If reincarnation is a thing, then I'm pretty sure I'm coming back as a cup of coffee. ~Keith Wynn
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published 2001 Jun 9
revised 2021 Mar 12
last saved 2025 Jan 7
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