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Quotations about Coffee & Caffeine
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This morning's forecast: 100% chance of coffee ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., "Over the Teacups," 1891
Coffee much quickens the spirits and makes the heart lightsome. ~An old coffee-house handbill
No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee's frothy goodness. ~Sheik Abd-al-Kadir
Over second and third cups flow matters of high finance, high state, common gossip and low comedy. [Coffee] is a social binder, a warmer of tongues, a soberer of minds, a stimulant of wit, a foiler of sleep if you want it so. From roadside mugs to the classic demi-tasse, it is the perfect democrat. ~Author Unknown
What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup. ~Henry Rollins
No coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odor to the nostrils. ~Henry Ward Beecher
A morning without coffee is like sleep. ~Author Unknown
I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee. ~Flash Rosenberg
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. ~Author Unknown
Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee. ~Author Unknown
Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with. ~Terri Guillemets
Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee. ~Author Unknown
Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever. ~David Letterman
Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation. ~Author Unknown
Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend. ~Author Unknown
This coffee falls into your stomach, and straightway there is a general commotion. Ideas begin to move like the battalions of the Grand Army of the battlefield, and the battle takes place. Things remembered arrive at full gallop, ensuing to the wind. The light cavalry of comparisons deliver a magnificent deploying charge, the artillery of logic hurry up with their train and ammunition, the shafts of with start up like sharpshooters. Similes arise, the paper is covered with ink; for the struggle commences and is concluded with torrents of black water, just as a battle with powder. ~Honoré de Balzac, "The Pleasures and Pains of Coffee"
I want to hear the simmer
Of the old coffee pot;
I want to hear it hummin'
When it's gettin' good and hot;
I want to see the vapor rise,
Like incense in the room,
And float about a-fillin'
Every corner with perfume.
~John W. Fellows, "The Old Coffee Pot," in The People's Home Journal, July 1903
Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister. ~Bob Irwin
I bought a decaffeinated coffee table, you can't even see a difference. ~Author Unknown
Decaf? No, it's dangerous to dilute my caffeine stream. ~Author Unknown
Chocolate, men, coffee — some things are better rich. ~Author Unknown
Coffee has two virtues, it is wet and warm. ~Dutch Proverb [Quoted in P.J. Harrebomée, Spreekwoordenboek der Nederlandsche taal, c.1853, and in English: Henry G. Bohn, A Polyglot of Foreign Proverbs comprising French, Italian, German, Dutch, Spanish, Portuguese, and Danish, with English Translations, 1857.
Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised. ~Star Trek: Voyager
Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago. ~Author Unknown
I've just arrived in New York City. What a place! Just smell those skyscrapers. Had breakfast at a little deli on Ninth Avenue. Cheese Danish and a cup of coffee, black as a moonless night. Hit the spot. ~From the television show Twin Peaks by David Lynch (Thanks, Rachel)
Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank. ~Alphonse Allais
Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven. ~Terri Guillemets, "Morning out," 1992
Lord, give me coffee to change the things I can change, and wine to accept the things that I can't. ~Internet joke, c.2013
Tom Hackett: This is my personal stash of Yorkshire Gold. Feel free to help yourself, please. But, if you do take the last tea bag, could you not put the box back empty?
Damien Asante: I drink coffee, man. This is America.
~The InBetween, "Pilot" [S1, E1, 2019], written by Moira Kirland
At this point in my life, I am more coffee than man. ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
I went to the Coffee Club and heard very good discourse... ~Samuel Pepys, diary, 1660 January 17th
I love the smell of roses
Along about in June;
And I'd hang around and listen
To almost any tune;
But the fragrance and the music
That nothin' else has got
Are the odor and the simmer
Of the old coffee pot.
~John W. Fellows, "The Old Coffee Pot," in The People's Home Journal, July 1903
Caffeine isn't a drug, it's a vitamin! ~Author Unknown
It's 6:55 am and I'm on my third cup of coffee. By noon, I'll be able to solve advanced problems in quantum physics. ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
He was my cream, and I was his coffee -
And when you poured us together, it was something.
~Josephine Baker
The second cup of coffee is never as good as the first. ~Theodore Roosevelt, or earlier
Déjà Brew: The feeling that you've had this coffee before. ~Author Unknown
I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee. ~Terri Guillemets
Forever: Time it takes to brew the first pot of coffee in the morning. ~Author Unknown
Serious question: back in the days before coffee, did people just basically die? ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
A fig for partridges and quails,
ye dainties I know nothing of ye;
But on the highest mount in Wales
Would choose in peace to drink my coffee.
~Jonathon Swift
Don't drink coffee in the morning. It will keep you awake until noon. ~Author Unknown
Coffee (which makes the politician wise,
And see thro' all things with his half-shut eyes)...
~Alexander Pope, "The Rape of the Lock," 1711–1712 ["A sarcastic allusion to the pretentious talk of the would-be politicians who frequented coffee-houses. These oracles were a standing topic of ridicule." ~Whitwell Elwin
Be a coffee-drinking individual — espresso yourself! ~Author Unknown
Replace therefore your morning-coffee by a hearty breakfast.... If you refuse doing so, then have it your own way; but in that case do not afterwards complain of your wretchedness and misery, and if the frame of your body should give way, then you may be sure that you yourself contributed most powerfully towards its downfall... those who are so fond of coffee that the very word coffee acts on them like a charm... ~Sebastian Kneipp, Thus Shalt Thou Live: Hints and Advice for the Healthy and the Sick on a Simple and Rational Mode of Life and a Natural Method of Cure, 1889, translated from the 19th German edition
I make serious coffee — so strong it wakes up the neighbors. ~Author Unknown
You are only as strong as the coffee you drink. ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
Suave molecules of Mocha stir up your blood, without causing excess heat; the organ of thought receives from it a feeling of sympathy; work becomes easier and you will sit down without distress to your principal repast which will restore your body and afford you a calm, delicious night. ~Prince Tallyrand
In America you can buy bucket-sized cups of coffee in any flavour you like other than coffee-flavour. ~Author Unknown
A yawn is a silent scream for coffee. ~Author Unknown
Coffee in styrofoam is against my religion. ~Betsy Cañas Garmon, betsygarmon.com [Amen, Sister!
Is “enthusiastically” an appropriate answer when someone asks me how I take my coffee? ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
All's fair in love and war — and coffee. ~Pam Brady, Trey Parker, and Matt Stone, South Park, "Gnomes," original airdate 1998 December 16th
Coffee is a hug in a mug. ~Author Unknown
I believe in living life one coffee cup at a time. ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
Coffee makes grisly mornings bearable. ~Terri Guillemets
I can’t stop drinking the coffee. I stop drinking the coffee, I stop doing the standing and the walking and the words-putting-into-sentence doing. ~Amy Sherman-Palladino and Daniel Palladino, Gilmore Girls, "Luke Can See Her Face," season 4, episode 20, original airdate 2004 May 4th, spoken by the character Lorelai Gilmore
Coffee, and I'm a warrior
Tea, a philosopher
Wine, a lover
Water, a napper.
~Terri Guillemets
Lists "coffee" as family member when filling out forms. ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
As a rule, I do not approve of messing around with coffee. No sugar, no milk, no chocolate, hazelnuts, cinnamon, no nothing.... Just drink it black, the way God does. ~Clay Thompson, “I put egg shells in my coffee,” The Arizona Republic, August 2014
There's nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee. ~Rian Aditia
I like her bitter as I can git 'er,
along with a piece of pie.
~Jim Hovendick
You know you've been playing too much Nethack when you refer to coffee as a potion of sleep resistance. ~Sweeney Todd Lundgren
I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon. ~Ronald Reagan
Coffee sparks our morning fuse. ~Terri Guillemets
Coffee, coffee, coffee
coffee, coffee.
Everyone shut up.
Coffee!
~Internet meme, "A poem for mornings," c.2015
The steaming mug greeted her, "Coffee–doodle–doo!"
"Good morning!" said she, "I love you, too."
~Terri Guillemets, "Fantasy date," 2002
Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish. ~Author Unknown
Sometimes when I over-indulge in coffee, it is as if I hear with other organs besides those of hearing. I startle easily, before the actual noise happens. ~Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742–1799), "The Character of a Person of my Acquaintance" [Lichtenberg's unfinished "autopsychography" (Norman Alliston, 1908). A little altered.
Coffee, n. break fluid. ~Author Unknown
Dear people who like decaf: With all due respect, why? ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
This coffee tastes like mud! Well, it was ground this morning. ~Old Vaudeville Joke
Thank you, dear coffee, for making Mondays feel a little less...Monday. ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
I like my coffee strong, not lethal! ~M*A*S*H
I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine! ~Author Unknown
Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee. ~Stephanie Piro
I'm a coffee is half-full kind of girl. ~Terri Guillemets
C:\COFFEE.POT missing (A)bort (R)etry (F)all asleep? ~Author Unknown
If it ain't caffeinated, it ain't coffee! ~Author Unknown
Coffee and tobacco are complete repose. ~Turkish Proverb
When the Starbucks line is out the door, but you refuse to turn around because you're not a quitter. ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee. ~Carly Simon
For adrenalin junkies, coffee's aphrodisiac power is immediately evident. The drink is essentially the world's most socially acceptable stimulant. ~"Coffee — The Aphrodisiac Buzz of Caffeine," EatSomethingSexy.com
In Seattle you haven't had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it's running. ~Jeff Bezos
Herbal tea tastes so much better when it's coffee. ~Author Unknown
Two wrongs do not make a right, but two cups of coffee sure as hell do! ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
Black as the devil, Hot as hell,
Pure as an angel, Sweet as love.
~Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Perigord
Coffee in England is just toasted milk. ~Author Unknown
Wrapping my hands around the warm mug, and inhaling, and drinking sip by sip — a calming, invigorating, aromatic, caffeinated meditation. ~Terri Guillemets
Ultimate office automation — networked coffee machines. ~Author Unknown
I looove plenty of coffee
the energy, my heart racing
thinking foolishly optimistic
coffee BUZZ coffee coffee
— awake until 3 A.M.!
~Terri Guillemets, "Coffee fool," 2019, blackout poetry created from T. Greenwood, The Golden Hour, 2017, pages 58–59
Has anyone else noticed that coffee is a really good listener? ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
Everybody should believe in something. I believe I'll have another coffee. ~Author Unknown
Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt! ~Robin Williams
There's something about cold mornings and hot coffee that brings Time to a crawl, until our mugs are empty then it lightning-bolts off into the waiting day. ~Terri Guillemets
Coffee is not my cup of tea. ~Author Unknown
Me before coffee: today is really going to be a struggle. Me after coffee: I'm the king of the world!!! ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
My morning cutoff for coffee is when my hands turn earthquake and my eyes go double-exposure. ~Terri Guillemets, "Coffee at the office is only 25¢!," 2008
Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal™:
For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of The Starbucks:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:
And I will dwell in the House of Mochas forever.
~Author Unknown
My spirit animal is a snail on caffeine. ~Terri Guillemets, "Happy trails," 2006
C:>COFFEE.COM error. Contact programmer J. Valdez. ~Author Unknown
Coffee: The first peripheral! ~Author Unknown
Coffee is ground from beans of happiness. ~Terri Guillemets
If you want to improve your understanding, drink coffee. Sir James Mackintosh used to say, he believed the difference between one man and another was produced by the quantity of coffee he drank. ~Sydney Smith, quoted in A Memoir of the Reverend Sydney Smith: Volume I by his daughter Lady Saba Holland with A Selection From His Letters edited by Mrs. Austin, 1855
Hot coffee and cold winter mornings are two of the best soul mates who ever did find each other. ~Terri Guillemets
Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis — a good hot cup of coffee. ~Alexander King
Coffee leads men to trifle away their time, scald their chops, and spend their money, all for a little base, black, thick, nasty, bitter, stinking nauseous puddle water. ~The Women's Petition Against Coffee, 1674
I'm on coffee #5 and I suddenly want to become a motivational speaker. ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
I try to stop drinking coffee each morning before the earth starts quaking beneath my feet — or, before my body starts quaking on my feet. Before I become a human coffeequake. Mmm, coffee cake, yum! Where? What?! ~Terri Guillemets, "Perhaps an extra cup too much," 2005
A cup of coffee — real coffee — home-browned, home ground, home made, that comes to you dark as a hazel-eye, but changes to a golden bronze as you temper it with cream that never cheated, but was real cream from its birth, thick, tenderly yellow, perfectly sweet, neither lumpy nor frothing on the Java: such a cup of coffee is a match for twenty blue devils and will exorcise them all. ~Henry Ward Beecher
Coffee makes me invincible. But when the cup is empty, I return to mere mortal. ~Terri Guillemets
It's amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee! ~Donna A. Favors
I like my coffee like my women: hot, strong, steamy. ~Author Unknown
But what is coffee, but a noxious berry,
Born to keep used-up Londoners awake?
~Charles Stuart Calverley, "Beer," Verses and Translations, 1862
Does fear of accidentally taking a sip of decaf count as a phobia? ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
Water is the most essential element of life, because without it you can’t make coffee. ~Author Unknown
I think the main ingredient in decaf coffee is disappointment. ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
Retirement is one great big giant coffee break. ~Author unknown
I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake. ~Lewis Black
Coffee and a barista kind
Prepare me for the morning grind
~Terri Guillemets
My blood type is Folgers. ~Author Unknown
All the coffee in Columbia won’t make me a morning person. ~Author Unknown
I just realized I’m not a morning person — I’m a coffee person. ~Author Unknown
Coffee fills my belly with morning rainbows of calmness and joy. ~Terri Guillemets
Do I like my coffee black? There are other colors? ~Author Unknown
Happiness sugars my coffee. ~Terri Guillemets
I don’t understand decaf, it’s like sex without the sex. ~A.C. Van Cherub, 2008
Nothing is sad on a beautiful morning save to look down and realize you just had the last sip of coffee and the mug sits indifferently empty. ~Terri Guillemets
The coffee was so strong it snarled as it lurched out of the pot. ~Betty MacDonald
i dawdle and crawl from the comfy night
plunking and thunking myself into morning
then rouse and rise to coffee — my prize!
~Terri Guillemets, "Morning goals in a mug," 2009
Don't laugh at the coffee. Some day you, too, may be old and weak. ~Author Unknown
Coffee — the pleasing nectar of Goddess Morning. ~Terri Guillemets
Coffee was a food in that house, not a drink. ~Patricia Hampl
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. I bet this kind of thing does not happen to heroin addicts. I bet that when serious heroin addicts go to purchase their heroin, they do not tolerate waiting in line while some dilettante in front of them orders a hazelnut smack-a-cino with cinnamon sprinkles. ~Dave Barry
Too much coffee! — the caffeine starts muttering, my mind goes stumbling, my jitters go jiggy. ~Terri Guillemets
COFFEE.SYS Not Found: User startup disabled. ~Author Unknown
I'm not sure if I've had too much coffee, or if it's had me. ~Terri Guillemets
Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical. ~Jonathan Swift
Coffee smiles us into the day. ~Terri Guillemets
I'd stop drinking coffee, but I'm no quitter. ~Author Unknown
The voodoo priest and all his powders were as nothing compared to espresso, cappuccino, and mocha, which are stronger than all the religions of the world combined, and perhaps stronger than the human soul itself. ~Mark Helprin, Memoir from Antproof Case, 1995
RISING.SUN detected: (A)nother coffee, (C)old shower, (S)leep? ~Author Unknown
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. ~Alex Levine
I'll quit coffee. It won't be easy drinking my Bailey's straight, but I'll get used to it. It'll still be the best part of waking up. ~From the television show Will and Grace
I must get up. My coffee needs me. ~Author Unknown
Caffeine Allocation Error: COFFEE.SYS missing, Programmer halted. ~Author Unknown
if(pot.coffee=EMPTY) {programmer->;brain=OFF}; ~Author Unknown
I worship at the temple of the coffee bean —
singing hymns all morn to the goddess caffeine.
~Terri Guillemets
Docs? Oh, you mean the stuff you wipe up coffee with? ~Author Unknown
Coffee makes dreams come true. ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world. ~Author Unknown
Sippin' my coffee
Sippin' my happy
~Terri Guillemets
I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume. ~John Van Druten
Ah well, a morning with weak coffee is still beaucoup better than a morning with no coffee. ~Terri Guillemets
If reincarnation is a thing, then I'm pretty sure I'm coming back as a cup of coffee. ~Keith Wynn, @Darxist_Marxist
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