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Quotations about Coffee & Caffeine

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This morning's forecast: 100% chance of coffee ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending, tweet, 2017

The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, "Over the Teacups," 1890

Coffee much quickens the spirits and makes the heart lightsome. ~An old coffee-house handbill

The fact that I'm upright is credit to our french press. ~Elementary, "Pushing Buttons," 2018, written by Jeffrey Paul King  [S6, E3, Sherlock Holmes]

Over second and third cups flow matters of high finance, high state, common gossip and low comedy. [Coffee] is a social binder, a warmer of tongues, a soberer of minds, a stimulant of wit, a foiler of sleep if you want it so. From roadside mugs to the classic demi-tasse, it is the perfect democrat. ~The New York Times, 1949, unverified, as quoted in Mark Pendergrast, Uncommon Grounds, 2010

What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup. ~Henry Rollins, 1989

I always get too high and fidgety with two cups. ~Stephen Dixon, "Question," 1978

The fragrant savor fills his senses with pleasure; for no coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odor to the nostrils. ~Henry Ward Beecher, "Haying"

A morning without coffee is like sleep. ~Author unknown

Owen's Law for Secretaries:  As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something that will last until the coffee is cold. ~The Complete Murphy's Law: A Definitive Collection, Arthur Bloch, 1990

Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee. ~Author unknown

Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with. ~Terri Guillemets

Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee. ~Author unknown

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever. ~David Letterman

Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation. ~Author unknown

There's every sign that coffee will remain the country's leading beverage forever. ~Coffee Annual, 1952, unverified, as quoted in Mark Pendergrast, Uncommon Grounds, 2010

Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend. ~Author unknown

This coffee falls into your stomach, and straightway there is a general commotion. Ideas begin to move like the battalions of the Grand Army of the battlefield, and the battle takes place. Things remembered arrive at full gallop, ensuing to the wind. The light cavalry of comparisons deliver a magnificent deploying charge, the artillery of logic hurry up with their train and ammunition, the shafts of with start up like sharpshooters. Similes arise, the paper is covered with ink; for the struggle commences and is concluded with torrents of black water, just as a battle with powder. ~Honoré de Balzac, "The Pleasures and Pains of Coffee"

I want to hear the simmer
Of the old coffee pot;
I want to hear it hummin'
When it's gettin' good and hot;
I want to see the vapor rise,
Like incense in the room,
And float about a-fillin'
Every corner with perfume.
~John W. Fellows, "The Old Coffee Pot," in The People's Home Journal, July 1903

Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister. ~Bob Irwin

I bought a decaffeinated coffee table, you can't even see a difference. ~Author Unknown

Decaf? No, it's dangerous to dilute my caffeine stream. ~Author Unknown

Chocolate, men, coffee — some things are better rich. ~Author Unknown

Coffee has two virtues, it is wet and warm. ~Dutch Proverb  [Quoted in P.J. Harrebomée, Spreekwoordenboek der Nederlandsche taal, c.1853, and in English: Henry G. Bohn, A Polyglot of Foreign Proverbs comprising French, Italian, German, Dutch, Spanish, Portuguese, and Danish, with English Translations, 1857. —tεᖇᖇ¡·g]

Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised. ~Star Trek: Voyager

Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago. ~Author Unknown

I've just arrived in New York City. What a place! Just smell those skyscrapers. Had breakfast at a little deli on Ninth Avenue. Cheese Danish and a cup of coffee, black as a moonless night. Hit the spot. ~From the television show Twin Peaks by David Lynch (Thanks, Rachel)

Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank. ~Alphonse Allais

Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven. ~Terri Guillemets, "Morning out," 1992

Lord, give me coffee to change the things I can change, and wine to accept the things that I can't. ~Internet joke, c.2013

Tom Hackett:  This is my personal stash of Yorkshire Gold. Feel free to help yourself, please. But, if you do take the last tea bag, could you not put the box back empty?
Damien Asante:  I drink coffee, man. This is America.
~The InBetween, "Pilot" [S1, E1, 2019], written by Moira Kirland

At this point in my life, I am more coffee than man. ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

I went to the Coffee Club and heard very good discourse... ~Samuel Pepys, diary, 1660 January 17th

I love the smell of roses
Along about in June;
And I'd hang around and listen
To almost any tune;
But the fragrance and the music
That nothin' else has got
Are the odor and the simmer
Of the old coffee pot.
~John W. Fellows, "The Old Coffee Pot," in The People's Home Journal, July 1903

Caffeine isn't a drug, it's a vitamin! ~Author Unknown

It's 6:55 am and I'm on my third cup of coffee. By noon, I'll be able to solve advanced problems in quantum physics. ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

He was my cream, and I was his coffee -
And when you poured us together, it was something.
~Josephine Baker

The second cup of coffee is never as good as the first. ~Theodore Roosevelt, or earlier

Déjà Brew: The feeling that you've had this coffee before. ~Author Unknown

I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee. ~Terri Guillemets

Forever: Time it takes to brew the first pot of coffee in the morning. ~Author Unknown

Serious question: back in the days before coffee, did people just basically die? ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

A fig for partridges and quails,
ye dainties I know nothing of ye;
But on the highest mount in Wales
Would choose in peace to drink my coffee.
~Jonathon Swift

Don't drink coffee in the morning. It will keep you awake until noon. ~Author Unknown

Coffee (which makes the politician wise,
And see thro' all things with his half-shut eyes)...
~Alexander Pope, "The Rape of the Lock," 1711–1712 ["A sarcastic allusion to the pretentious talk of the would-be politicians who frequented coffee-houses. These oracles were a standing topic of ridicule." ~Whitwell Elwin –tg]

Be a coffee-drinking individual — espresso yourself! ~Author Unknown

Replace therefore your morning-coffee by a hearty breakfast.... If you refuse doing so, then have it your own way; but in that case do not afterwards complain of your wretchedness and misery, and if the frame of your body should give way, then you may be sure that you yourself contributed most powerfully towards its downfall... those who are so fond of coffee that the very word coffee acts on them like a charm... ~Sebastian Kneipp, Thus Shalt Thou Live: Hints and Advice for the Healthy and the Sick on a Simple and Rational Mode of Life and a Natural Method of Cure, 1889, translated from the 19th German edition

I make serious coffee — so strong it wakes up the neighbors. ~Author Unknown

You are only as strong as the coffee you drink. ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

Suave molecules of Mocha stir up your blood, without causing excess heat; the organ of thought receives from it a feeling of sympathy; work becomes easier and you will sit down without distress to your principal repast which will restore your body and afford you a calm, delicious night. ~Prince Tallyrand

In America you can buy bucket-sized cups of coffee in any flavour you like other than coffee-flavour. ~Author Unknown

A yawn is a silent scream for coffee. ~Author Unknown

Coffee in styrofoam is against my religion. ~Betsy Cañas Garmon,  [Amen, Sister! —tεᖇᖇ¡·g]

Is “enthusiastically” an appropriate answer when someone asks me how I take my coffee? ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

All's fair in love and war — and coffee. ~Pam Brady, Trey Parker, and Matt Stone, South Park, "Gnomes," original airdate 1998 December 16th

Coffee is a hug in a mug. ~Author Unknown

I believe in living life one coffee cup at a time. ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

Coffee makes grisly mornings bearable. ~Terri Guillemets

I can’t stop drinking the coffee. I stop drinking the coffee, I stop doing the standing and the walking and the words-putting-into-sentence doing. ~Amy Sherman-Palladino and Daniel Palladino, Gilmore Girls, "Luke Can See Her Face," season 4, episode 20, original airdate 2004 May 4th, spoken by the character Lorelai Gilmore

Coffee, and I'm a warrior
Tea, a philosopher
Wine, a lover
Water, a napper.
~Terri Guillemets

Lists "coffee" as family member when filling out forms. ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

He said, "I'm ordering coffee with the meal.
Hot black coffee in a great big cup,
Fuming, steaming, filled right up.
I don't want coffee iced in a glass,
And I don't want a miserable demi-tasse,
But what I'll have, come woe, come weal,
Is coffee with, coffee with, coffee with the meal."
~Ogden Nash (1902–1971), "Coffee with the Meal"

As a rule, I do not approve of messing around with coffee. No sugar, no milk, no chocolate, hazelnuts, cinnamon, no nothing.... Just drink it black, the way God does. ~Clay Thompson, “I put egg shells in my coffee,” The Arizona Republic, August 2014

There's nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee. ~Rian Aditia

I like her bitter as I can git 'er,
along with a piece of pie.
~Jim Hovendick

You know you've been playing too much Nethack when you refer to coffee as a potion of sleep resistance. ~Sweeney Todd Lundgren

I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon. ~Ronald Reagan

Coffee sparks our morning fuse. ~Terri Guillemets

Coffee, coffee, coffee
coffee, coffee.
Everyone shut up.
~Internet meme, "A poem for mornings," c.2015

The steaming mug greeted her, "Coffee–doodle–doo!"
"Good morning!" said she, "I love you, too."
~Terri Guillemets, "Fantasy date," 2002

Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish. ~Author Unknown

Sometimes when I over-indulge in coffee, it is as if I hear with other organs besides those of hearing. I startle easily, before the actual noise happens. ~Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742–1799), "The Character of a Person of my Acquaintance"  [Lichtenberg's unfinished "autopsychography" (Norman Alliston, 1908). A little altered. —tεᖇᖇ¡·g]

Coffee, n. break fluid. ~Author Unknown

An American will go to hell for a bag of coffee. ~American proverb

Dear people who like decaf: With all due respect, why? ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

This coffee tastes like mud! Well, it was ground this morning. ~Old Vaudeville Joke

Thank you, dear coffee, for making Mondays feel a little less...Monday. ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

I like my coffee strong, not lethal! ~M*A*S*H

I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine! ~Author Unknown

Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee. ~Stephanie Piro

I'm a coffee is half-full kind of girl. ~Terri Guillemets

C:\COFFEE.POT missing (A)bort (R)etry (F)all asleep? ~Author Unknown

If it ain't caffeinated, it ain't coffee! ~Author Unknown

Coffee and tobacco are complete repose. ~Turkish Proverb

When the Starbucks line is out the door, but you refuse to turn around because you're not a quitter. ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee. ~Carly Simon

For adrenalin junkies, coffee's aphrodisiac power is immediately evident. The drink is essentially the world's most socially acceptable stimulant. ~"Coffee — The Aphrodisiac Buzz of Caffeine,"

In Seattle you haven't had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it's running. ~Jeff Bezos

Herbal tea tastes so much better when it's coffee. ~Author Unknown

Two wrongs do not make a right, but two cups of coffee sure as hell do! ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

Black as the devil, Hot as hell,
Pure as an angel, Sweet as love.
~Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Perigord

Coffee in England is just toasted milk. ~Author Unknown

Wrapping my hands around the warm mug, and inhaling, and drinking sip by sip — a calming, invigorating, aromatic, caffeinated meditation. ~Terri Guillemets

Ultimate office automation — networked coffee machines. ~Author Unknown

I looove plenty of coffee
the energy, my heart racing
thinking foolishly optimistic
coffee BUZZ coffee coffee
— awake until 3 A.M.!
~Terri Guillemets, "Coffee fool," 2019, blackout poetry created from T. Greenwood, The Golden Hour, 2017, pages 58–59

Has anyone else noticed that coffee is a really good listener? ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

Everybody should believe in something. I believe I'll have another coffee. ~Author Unknown

Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt! ~Robin Williams

There's something about cold mornings and hot coffee that brings Time to a crawl, until our mugs are empty, then it lightning-bolts off into the waiting day. ~Terri Guillemets

Coffee is not my cup of tea. ~Author Unknown

Me before coffee: today is really going to be a struggle. Me after coffee: I'm the king of the world!!! ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

My morning cutoff for coffee is when my hands turn earthquake and my eyes go double-exposure. ~Terri Guillemets, "Coffee at the office is only 25¢!," 2008

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal™:
For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of The Starbucks:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:
And I will dwell in the House of Mochas forever.
~Author Unknown

My spirit animal is a snail on caffeine. ~Terri Guillemets, "Happy trails," 2006

C:>COFFEE.COM error. Contact programmer J. Valdez. ~Author Unknown

Coffee: The first peripheral! ~Author Unknown

Coffee is ground from beans of happiness. ~Terri Guillemets

If you want to improve your understanding, drink coffee. Sir James Mackintosh used to say, he believed the difference between one man and another was produced by the quantity of coffee he drank. ~Sydney Smith, quoted in A Memoir of the Reverend Sydney Smith: Volume I by his daughter Lady Saba Holland with A Selection From His Letters edited by Mrs. Austin, 1855

Hot coffee and cold winter mornings are two of the best soul mates who ever did find each other. ~Terri Guillemets

Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis — a good hot cup of coffee. ~Alexander King

Coffee leads men to trifle away their time, scald their chops, and spend their money, all for a little base, black, thick, nasty, bitter, stinking nauseous puddle water. ~The Women's Petition Against Coffee, 1674

I'm on coffee #5 and I suddenly want to become a motivational speaker. ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

I try to stop drinking coffee each morning before the earth starts quaking beneath my feet — or, before my body starts quaking on my feet. Before I become a human coffeequake. Mmm, coffee cake, yum! Where? What?! ~Terri Guillemets, "Perhaps an extra cup too much," 2005

A cup of coffee — real coffee — home-browned, home ground, home made, that comes to you dark as a hazel-eye, but changes to a golden bronze as you temper it with cream that never cheated, but was real cream from its birth, thick, tenderly yellow, perfectly sweet, neither lumpy nor frothing on the Java: such a cup of coffee is a match for twenty blue devils and will exorcise them all. ~Henry Ward Beecher

Coffee makes me invincible. But when the cup is empty, I return to mere mortal. ~Terri Guillemets

It's amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee! ~Donna A. Favors

I like my coffee like my women: hot, strong, steamy. ~Author Unknown

But what is coffee, but a noxious berry,
Born to keep used-up Londoners awake?
~Charles Stuart Calverley, "Beer," Verses and Translations, 1862

Does fear of accidentally taking a sip of decaf count as a phobia? ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

Water is the most essential element of life, because without it you can’t make coffee. ~Author Unknown

I think the main ingredient in decaf coffee is disappointment. ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

Retirement is one great big giant coffee break. ~Author unknown

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake. ~Lewis Black

Coffee and a barista kind
Prepare me for the morning grind
~Terri Guillemets

My blood type is Folgers. ~Author Unknown

All the coffee in Columbia won’t make me a morning person. ~Author Unknown

I just realized I’m not a morning person — I’m a coffee person. ~Author Unknown

Coffee fills my belly with morning rainbows of calmness and joy. ~Terri Guillemets

Do I like my coffee black? There are other colors? ~Author Unknown

Happiness sugars my coffee. ~Terri Guillemets

I don’t understand decaf, it’s like sex without the sex. ~A.C. Van Cherub, 2008

Nothing is sad on a beautiful morning save to look down and realize you just had the last sip of coffee and the mug sits indifferently empty. ~Terri Guillemets

The coffee was so strong it snarled as it lurched out of the pot. ~Betty MacDonald

i dawdle and crawl from the comfy night
plunking and thunking myself into morning
then rouse and rise to coffee — my prize!
~Terri Guillemets, "Morning goals in a mug," 2009

Don't laugh at the coffee. Some day you, too, may be old and weak. ~Author Unknown

Coffee — the pleasing nectar of Goddess Morning. ~Terri Guillemets

Coffee was a food in that house, not a drink. ~Patricia Hampl

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. I bet this kind of thing does not happen to heroin addicts. I bet that when serious heroin addicts go to purchase their heroin, they do not tolerate waiting in line while some dilettante in front of them orders a hazelnut smack-a-cino with cinnamon sprinkles. ~Dave Barry

Too much coffee! — the caffeine starts muttering, my mind goes stumbling, my jitters go jiggy. ~Terri Guillemets

COFFEE.SYS Not Found: User startup disabled. ~Author Unknown

I'm not sure if I've had too much coffee, or if it's had me. ~Terri Guillemets

Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical. ~Jonathan Swift

Coffee smiles us into the day. ~Terri Guillemets

I'd stop drinking coffee, but I'm no quitter. ~Author Unknown

The voodoo priest and all his powders were as nothing compared to espresso, cappuccino, and mocha, which are stronger than all the religions of the world combined, and perhaps stronger than the human soul itself. ~Mark Helprin, Memoir from Antproof Case, 1995

RISING.SUN detected: (A)nother coffee, (C)old shower, (S)leep? ~Author Unknown

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. ~Alex Levine

I'll quit coffee. It won't be easy drinking my Bailey's straight, but I'll get used to it. It'll still be the best part of waking up. ~From the television show Will and Grace

I must get up. My coffee needs me. ~Author Unknown

Caffeine Allocation Error: COFFEE.SYS missing, Programmer halted. ~Author Unknown

if( {programmer->;brain=OFF}; ~Author Unknown

I worship at the temple of the coffee bean —
singing hymns all morn to the goddess caffeine.
~Terri Guillemets

Docs? Oh, you mean the stuff you wipe up coffee with? ~Author Unknown

Coffee makes dreams come true. ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Given enough coffee, I could rule the world. ~Author Unknown

Sippin' my coffee
Sippin' my happy
~Terri Guillemets

I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume. ~John Van Druten

Ah well, a morning with weak coffee is still beaucoup better than a morning with no coffee. ~Terri Guillemets

If reincarnation is a thing, then I'm pretty sure I'm coming back as a cup of coffee. ~Keith Wynn, @moon_descending

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