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NOTE:  Some of the quotes on this page were submitted to me by visitors, and not all have been verified for original source or wording. I'm working hard to confirm everything, but in the meantime please be aware of the possibility for errors.  —ღ Terri, March 2021


You sometimes see a woman who would have made a Joan of Arc in another century and climate, threshing herself to pieces over all the mean worry of housekeeping. ~Rudyard Kipling


My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. ~Erma Bombeck


Nature abhors a vacuum. And so do I. ~Anne Gibbons


Cleaning your house
While your kids are still growing
Is like shoving the walk
Before it stops snowing.
THE SLOPPY HOUSEKEEPER'S ALMANAC
~Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints, 1966


Housework is something you do that nobody notices until you don’t do it. ~Author Unknown


Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy. ~Author Unknown


Dirt is only matter in the wrong place. ~Henry John Temple (1784–1865)


Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum – "My God, the floor’s immaculate. Lie down, you hot [ദ!#@%]." ~Joan Rivers


The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I’ve ever seen that I didn’t have to clean. ~Erma Bombeck


I think housework is the reason most women go to the office. ~Heloise Cruse


The trouble with living alone is that it’s always your turn to do the dishes. ~Author Unknown


There was no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse. ~Quentin Crisp, The Naked Civil Servant, 1968


[H]ousework, if it is done right, can kill you. ~John Skow, about the message of Erma Bombeck’s early columns in the 1960s, "Erma in Bomburbia," Time, 1984 July 2nd


I am thankful for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.... I am thankful for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means my loved ones are nearby. ~Nancie J. Carmody


My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. ~Erma Bombeck


The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they’d never clean anything. ~Dave Barry


The best time for planning a book is while you’re doing the dishes. ~Agatha Christie


Spring Cleaning! A most idiotic name! Any man could tell you it's actually spring dirtying. All the dust that has settled down quietly, and doesn't show and only asks to be left alone, germs and all, is stirred up. Everybody is choked and as far as possible infected. Instead of being under the carpet, it's on your furniture and in your food. There's nowhere to sleep and nothing to eat; nowhere even to sit down. The moment you try disaster comes. You are told to get out of the way; you are pushed here and there; you step in things you are warned to avoid; you—oh, confound it all!... It's not till the next spring cleaning comes round that you find your most treasured possessions, and then the cleaner sees to it that you lose them again instantly. ~Edward Burke, "How Wives Are So Untidy," My Wife, 1917


My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you? ~Erma Bombeck


You don’t get anything clean without getting something else dirty. ~Cecil Baxter


A clean house is the sign of a boring person. ~Author Unknown


We labor to make a house a home, then every time we’re expecting visitors, we rush to turn it back into a house. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com


Plain Sewing and Cooking are so old-fashioned that they are fast becoming new Fads. ~Minna Thomas Antrim (1861–1950), Don'ts for Bachelors and Old Maids, 1908


There must be a way to make ironing less dull. Zumba ironing? Ironing Pilates? Ironing yoga? Ironing while walking? While walking on a treadmill? While stepping? While climbing? Or an iron with a cold compartment for M&Ms. ~Donna A. Lewis, Reply All, 2016


Cleanliness is next to impossible. ~Author Unknown


I dusted once. It came back. I'm not falling for that again. ~Internet meme


The meal’s complete when the kitchen’s neat. ~Author Unknown


They’re sure housework won’t kill you, but why take the risk? ~Author Unknown


When it comes to housework the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin. Or maybe I mean why. ~Katharine Whitehorn, "Nought for Homework," Roundabout, 1962


My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors. ~Bette Midler


Vacuums don’t clean houses. People clean houses. ~Everybody Loves Raymond, "Humm Vac," written by Lew Schneider, original airdate 19 March 2001, spoken by the character Marie Barone


This mess is a place! ~Author Unknown


Always keep your home presentable, assuming you keep a home for purposes of presentation. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com


There were times, indeed, when the vigor she put into her work was more of a relief to her feelings than it was an ardor to efface dirt... ~Eleanor H. Porter, Pollyanna, 1912


I like hugs and I like kisses,
But what I really love is help with the dishes!
~Author Unknown


Well, housecleanin' time is with us once more;
And, landsakes alive, it's an awful chore!
What with scrubbin', rubbin', and washin' paint,
It's not any picnic; you bet it ain't!...
For it has to be done each Spring and Fall:
The attic and cellar, bedrooms and hall.
Each room, in its order, gives up its dirt,
Till I am weary and my back does hurt!
~Gertrude Tooley Buckingham, "Housecleanin' Time" (1940s)


She will escape from the rut of small domestic household cares, which I have heard you so often say eat the soul out of a woman.... She will be out in the open and free from the crushing yoke of conventionalities which hem the most of us in like prison walls. ~Robert Grant, "The Fall of the House of Padelford," 1892


Please don’t feed the dust bunnies. ~Author unknown


At Cleaning Time with Proud or Mean
The Woman with the Broom is Queen.
~Arthur Guiterman, "Of Cleanliness," A Poet's Proverbs, 1924


Dust is particles of the past. If you clean, you're wiping away all those good memories. ~Terri Guillemets


DUST  Mud with the juice squeezed out. ~Charles Wayland Towne, The Foolish Dictionary, Executed by Gideon Wurdz, Master of Pholly, Doctor of Loquacious Lunacy, etc., 1904


Instead of organizing and cleaning my house, I pin ideas on how to organize and clean my house. The irony is not lost on me. ~Author unknown (but obviously a Pinterest user with a sense of humor)


Law of Window Cleaning: It’s on the other side. ~Author Unknown


If the shelves are dusty and the pots don’t shine,
it’s because I have better things to do with my time.
~Author Unknown


The washing of dishes does seem to me the most absurd and unsatisfactory business that I ever undertook. If, when once washed, they would remain clean for ever and ever (which they ought in all reason to do, considering how much trouble it is), there would be less occasion to grumble; but no sooner is it done, than it requires to be done again. On the whole, I have come to the resolution not to use more than one dish at each meal. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne


Dull women have immaculate homes. ~Author Unknown


There is no daily chore so trivial that it cannot be made important by skipping it two days running. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com


Dust is just a country accent. ~Author Unknown


Scrub and polish,—sweep and clean,—
Fling your windows wide!
See, the trees are clad in green!
Coax the spring inside!
Home, be shining fair to-day
For the guest whose name is May!
~Louise Bennett Weaver and Helen Cowles LeCron, "May," A Thousand Ways to Please a Husband with Bettina's Best Recipes, 1917  [Spring cleaning! —tεᖇᖇ¡·g]


I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade. It’s amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor. ~D.H. Lawrence


Thank God for dirty dishes,
they have a tale to tell;
while others may go hungry,
we’re eating very well.
~Author Unknown


Sometimes clean feels empty. A bit of clutter and dirt gladdens the heart and affirms a life in progress. ~Terri Guillemets


A new broom sweeps clean but the old broom knows the corners. ~Irish Saying


This house is protected by killer dust bunnies. ~Author Unknown


Few tasks are more like the torture of Sisyphus than housework, with its endless repetition: the clean becomes soiled, the soiled is made clean, over and over, day after day. ~Simone de Beauvoir


Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. ~Hoosier Farmer


There may be dust in my house but there isn’t any on me. ~Author Unknown


God made rainy days so gardeners could get the housework done. ~Author Unknown

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Last saved 2021 Mar 22 Mon 12:25 PDT

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