The Quote Garden ™
“I dig old books.” ™
Quotations: “How True!”
Today is the longest day of the year—but anymore, every day is. ~Chuck Palahniuk, Diary, 2003
If an article is attractive, or useful, or inexpensive, they’ll stop making it tomorrow; if it’s all three, they stopped making it yesterday. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure. ~Murphy’s Law
Confucius say, man think happy, man about to step on banana skin. ~Jeffrey Ashford (b.1926), Loyal Disloyalty, 1996
Most people who have an opinion about everything have actually just one opinion that applies to everything. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
If there is something you must do and you cannot do it, you cannot do anything else. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960
How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? ~François VI de la Rochefoucault
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck
I tell you this, and I tell you plain:
What you have done, you will do again;
You will bite your tongue, careful or not,
Upon the already-bitten spot.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960
Absurdity.— Any thing advanced by our opponents, contrary to our own practice, or above our comprehension. ~"Specimens of a Patent Pocket Dictionary, For the use of those who wish to understand the meaning of things as well as words," The New Monthly Magazine and Literary Journal, 1824
A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist. ~Franklin P. Jones
It’s always been and always will be the same in the world: The horse does the work and the coachman is tipped. ~Author Unknown
What you discover about life’s shell game is that it’s hardest to follow the pea when you’re the pea. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
An unwatched pot boils immediately. ~H.F. Ellis
To know exactly what you want from life is to become a magnet to everyone who doesn't. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
If you wonder where your child left his roller skates, try walking around the house in the dark. ~Leopold Fechtner
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. ~Will Rogers
When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. ~Author Unknown
How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire? ~Christy Whitehead
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics. ~Author Unknown
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. ~Author Unknown
Why do they put the Gideon Bibles only in the bedrooms, where it’s usually too late, and not in the barroom downstairs? ~Christopher Morley, Contribution to a Contribution
It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. ~Grace Hopper
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance. ~Author Unknown
It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. ~Author Unknown
Natural talents in inanimate things —
Pencils — for getting lost.
Umbrellas — for getting stolen.
Money — for taking wings.
Petticoats — for blowing about.
Secrets — for getting known.
Lies — for getting believed.
~Charles Searle, Look Here!, 1885
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. ~Author Unknown
If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered. ~Edgar Allan Poe
People who snore always fall asleep first. ~Author Unknown
Men have an irresistible impulse to believe that, so long as they see nobody, nobody sees them — like children who shut their eyes so as not to be seen. ~Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742–1799), translated by Norman Alliston, 1908
Perfume: any smell that is used to drown out a worse one. ~Elbert Hubbard
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. ~Author unknown
The trouble with, "A place for everything and everything in its place" is that there’s always more everything than places. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
Victoria: What is your biggest pet peeve?
Lemony Snicket: The car alarm, as it has come to signify the opposite of its intention. When you hear a car alarm go off, you know that whatever is happening, the car is not being stolen.
~From a live Facebook chat hosted by Scholastic Reading Club, 2013 January 16th
There are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed for example that we all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summertime and the poor get it in the winter. ~Bat Masterson
No one is listening until you fart. ~Author unknown
So soon as a fashion is universal, it is out of date. ~Marie Dubsky, Freifrau von Ebner-Eschenbach (1830–1916), translated by Mrs Annis Lee Wister, 1882
You can shout it to every star,
Bare your soul up to the moon,
Cast your problems nightly afar—
But they always flood back by noon.
Interchangeable parts don’t, leakproof seals aren’t, and self-starters won’t. ~Author Unknown
It’s my luck that every time I feel I completely comprehend God’s plan, I don’t have a pencil with me. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
Keep a thing seven years and it’s bound to come in handy. ~Russian Proverb
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function. ~Richard E. Turner (1937–2011), The Grammar Curmudgeon, a.k.a. "The Mudge," from "The Curmudgeon's Short Dictionary of Modern Phrases," c.2009
There is nothing more essential to getting a project off the ground than the underestimate. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
Admiration is a very short-lived passion, that immediately decays upon growing familiar with its object; unless it be still fed with fresh discoveries, and kept alive by a perpetual succession of miracles rising into view. ~Joseph Addison
I have never met anyone who wanted to save the world without my financial support. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
There are men whom you will never dislodge from an opinion, except by taking possession of it yourself. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827
Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he’s talking about. ~Sam Ewing
I find I always have to write something on a steamed mirror. ~Elaine Dundy
Eventually you realize that certain people are never going to notice you, and certain others are going to find you no matter where you hide. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
Self-Checkout Line – The place where customers of an establishment become unpaid employees of the establishment. ~Richard E. Turner (1937–2011), The Grammar Curmudgeon, a.k.a. "The Mudge," from "The Curmudgeon's Short Dictionary of Modern Phrases," c.2009
There are things you do that come back to haunt you — and things that haunt you without ever leaving. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. ~Dave Barry
It’s annoying to be disapproved of by people who know only half the story, especially when you’re not sure which half they know. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
The Act of God designation on all insurance policies... means roughly that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you. If your ox kicks a hole in your neighbor’s Maserati, however, indemnity is instantaneous. ~Alan Coren, The Lady from Stalingrad Mansions, 1977
Last saved 2020 Oct 15 Thu 14:34 PDT