The Quote Garden ™
“I dig old books.” ™
Quotations about Swearing,
Cuss Words, Cursing, Expletives,
Profanity, Four-Letter Words, etc.
Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. ~Mark Twain
Many a man's profanity has saved him from a nervous breakdown. ~Henry Stanley Haskins, "New England's Accents," Meditations in Wall Street, 1940
Oh, fudge! Only I didn't say "fudge." I said the word. The big one. The queen mother of dirty words. The F-dash-dash-dash word. I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium — a master. Over the years, I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. ~A Christmas Story, 1983, written by Jean Shepherd, Leigh Brown, and Bob Clark [Ralphie. A little altered. —tg]
He give it to him sthraight. A good, honest, American blankety-blank. Rale language like father used to make whin he hit his thumb with th' hammer. ~Finley Peter Dunne, "Mr. Dooley on Swearing," 1902
When angry count four; when very angry, swear. ~Mark Twain
Cussing the weather is mighty poor farming. ~African-American proverb
Just in case there might be
Little ears around
I won't say it
I'll just spell it out—
I feel like pound sign, question mark
Star, exclamation point,
Don't give a blank,
And a whole lot of other
Choice words I can't say...
Percentage sign, at symbol
~"Pound Sign," by Jim Collins, David Lee Murphy, and Tony Martin, 2010, performed by Kevin Fowler ♫ [grawlix —tg]
The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way. ~Mark Twain, 1906
There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that. ~Mark Twain
There is a wealth of comicana waiting for the student with enough drive and depth of understanding. Once he masters the secret of the waftarom, the solrad, and the grawlix, he can mix in any art circle... ~Mort Walker, "The Business of the Comics Is a Funny Business," Backstage at the Strips, 1975
I dunno, Phil… it's PG-13, but it has lots of profanity.
Oh, c'mon, Val — we live in the comics section. At worst, it'll be, "ampersand, asterisk, hashtag, exclamation mark."
~Scott Hilburn, The Argyle Sweater, 2016
— Acorns and angleworms!
— Bee-stings and nettles!
— Nightshade and spiders!
~George M. P. Baird, fairy curse words in "The Theft of Thistledown: A Faery Interlude," 1915 ["Faeries are very much like humans, after all, and sometimes in moments of excitement they use swear words and shocking language such as this." —tg]
American professional athletes are bilingual — they speak English and profanity. ~Gordie Howe, 1975
Scorpios speak five languages — English, Profanity, Sarcasm, Truth, and Love. ~Internet meme
I was... blaspheming my luck in a way that made my breath smell of brimstone. ~Mark Twain, 1913
Foul Language is with him as common,
As Scolding to an Oyster-Woman,
And from him Oaths in clusters slip,
Like Flatt'ries from a Courtier's Lip,
Yet seldom swears, but swears awry,
That is, to justify a Lie,
Or, vice versa, stains his Mouth
With Oaths, to falsify the Truth,
As if it was his sole delight,
To make Right Wrong and Falsehood Right;
Nor is there any way to know
The Truth of what he does avow,
But to believe the quite reverse
Of e'ery thing he says or swears...
~Edward Ward, "The Contending Candidates: or, The Broom-Staff Battles, Dirty Skirmishes, and Other Comical Humours of the late Southwark Election," 1722
But it don't do to use pro-fanity th' way ye wud ordin'ry wurruds. No, sir. Ye've got to save it up an' invist it at th' right time or get nawthin' fr'm it. It's betther thin a doctor f'r a stubbed toe but it niver cured a broken leg. It's a kind iv a first aid to th' injured. It seems to deaden th' pain. ~Finley Peter Dunne, "Mr. Dooley on Swearing," 1902
Put a little profanity by for rainy days, I say. You won't miss it and at the end of the year when you renew your lease you'll be surprised to find out how much you have on hand. But if you hurl it broadcast, if every time you open your mouth a hot one leaps out, the time will come when you'll want to say somethin' scorching and you'll have nothin' to say that you haven't said for fun. ~Finley Peter Dunne, "Mr. Dooley on Swearing," 1902 [spelling standardized —tg]
But th' best thing about a little judicyous swearin' is that it keeps th' temper. 'Twas intinded as a compromise between runnin' away an' fightin'. ~Finley Peter Dunne, "Mr. Dooley on Swearing," 1902
And given to fornications, and to taverns and sack
and wine and metheglins, and to drinkings and
swearings and starings, pribbles and prabbles?
~William Shakespeare, Merry Wives of Windsor, c.1600 [V, 5, Sir Hugh Evans]
Bad language is a stage all children go through, and it dies with time when they learn they're not attracting attention with it. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, 1960
Profanity is more necessary to me than is immunity from colds. ~Mark Twain, 1877
This is a bawdy tale. Herein you will find gratuitous shagging, murder, spanking, maiming, treason, and heretofore unexplored heights of vulgarity and profanity, as well as non-traditional grammar, split infinitives, and the odd wank. If that sort of thing bothers you, then gentle reader pass by, for we endeavor only to entertain, not to offend. ~Christopher Moore, Fool, 2009 ["Warning," in front matter —tg]
Women can't swear. They have th' feelin' but not th' means... Women an' childher cry or faint whin they're hurt. That's because they haven't th' gift iv swearin'. ~Finley Peter Dunne, "Mr. Dooley on Swearing," 1902 [Maybe it's due to an entire century having gone by, but Sir I can tell you one thing for certain: I've got the gift. —tg]
He called me a quadrilateral astronomical incandescent son of a bitch. ~Mark Twain, 1903
I shall not make use of slang or vulgarity upon any occasion or under any circumstances, and shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. Indeed, upon second thought, I will not even use it then, for it is unchristian, inelegant, and degrading — though to speak truly I do not see how house rent and taxes are going to be discussed worth a cent without it. ~Mark Twain, 1869
He couldn't get a ball to stay on the alley. When he had fired about fifteen balls and hadn't yet reached the cluster of pins, his annoyance began to show out through his clothes. He wouldn't let it show in his face; but after another fifteen balls he was not able to control his face; he didn't utter a word, but he exuded mute blasphemy from every pore. ~Mark Twain
Foul devil, for God's sake, hence, and trouble us not;
For thou hast made the happy earth thy hell,
Fill'd it with cursing cries and deep exclaims.
~William Shakespeare, Richard III, c.1592 [I, 2, Lady Anne]
Jason: Apparently the leaked Windows source code contains some pretty naughty language.
Peter: Naughty language?
Jason: Curse words in the comments.
Peter: So when people are swearing at their PC, it's actually swearing back?
Jason: Clever Microsoft.
~Bill Amend, FoxTrot, 2004
No swearing. ~William Shakespeare, Cymbeline, c.1609 [II, 4, Posthumus Leonatus]
Everybody swears everywhere... Shakespeare and all the rest, all up and down the years they swore at life. Plain old mother talk ain't nowheres near strong enough to describe such a terrible mixup as life... ~Mark Harris, "Bang the Drum Slowly," 1956
A pox o' your throat, you bawling, blasphemous, incharitable dog! ~William Shakespeare, Tempest, c.1611 [I, 1, Sebastian]
Someone told me I need to stop dropping F-bombs. What the [f*@%] is an F-bomb? ~Internet meme
Balderdash! Dagnabbit! Drat! Schnikes! Corn Nuts! Cowabunga! Blimey! William Shatner! Bleep! Egad! Awww, noodles! Mother of pearl! Crud muffin! Sufferin’ succotash! Great Caesar’s ghost! Phooey! Cheese and crackers! Wing nut! Fudge berries! Gee willikers! Bob Saget! Peanut butter and jelly! Shitake mushrooms! Son of a motherless goat! What the hey?! Barnacles! Fahrvergnügen! Merlin’s beard! Shucky darn! Shut the front door! What the what?! Horse pucky! Cheese whiz! Gadzooks! Holy guacamole! Shnookerdookies! Fiddlesticks! Jiminy Cricket! Dillweed! Son of a biscuit! Son of a nutcracker! ~Various and anonymous humans [a list of alternative swear words and exclamations I've seen and heard over the years —tg]
Golf is a four-letter word. ~Richard Armour, 1962
Diet is a four-letter word. ~Siegmund H. May, 1968
Work is a four-letter word. ~Author unknown, 1950s
Love is a four-letter word. ~Author unknown, 1920s
Life is a four-letter word. ~Author unknown, 1950s
He grinned at her. "Can't is a four-letter word."
"Four letters and an apostrophe."
~Richard Duprey, Duel on the Wind, 1976
Four is a four-letter word. ~Jack Douglas, Never Trust a Naked Bus Driver, 1960
Word is a four-letter word. ~Author unknown, 1970s
Tetragram is a four-letter word. ~The Dictionary
Last saved 2021 Feb 23 Tue 23:10 PST