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Quotations from the
BBC television show Coupling
written by Steven Moffat


Susan:  "Sally, does it ever occur to you that age brings wisdom and greater confidence?"
Sally:  "Susan, age brings you more to shave."
~Coupling, "Flushed," original airdate 12 May 2000, written by Steven Moffat


I want you to remember, I intend this breast satirically.  ~Coupling, "Flushed," original airdate 12 May 2000, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Susan


Trust me, death is the best argument for moisturizer.  ~Coupling, "Sex, Death and Nudity," original airdate 26 May 2000, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Sally


I like naked women.  I'm a bloke.  I'm supposed to like them.  We're born like that.  We like naked women as soon as we're pulled out of one.  Halfway down the birth canal we're already enjoying the view.  ~Coupling, "Inferno," original airdate 2 June 2000, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Steve


[I]t is the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche.  We like:  naked women, stockings, lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond, because that is what being a boy is.  ~Coupling, "Inferno," original airdate 2 June 2000, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Steve


You know, I have never understood the male obsession with lesbianism - a whole area of sex with nothing for them to do.  Just answered my own question, haven't I?  ~Coupling, "Inferno," original airdate 2 June 2000, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Sally


I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of that table there, but that does not stop me wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die, because that's what being a bloke is.  When man invented fire, he didn't say, "Hey, let's cook."  He said, "Great, now we can see naked bottoms in the dark."  As soon as Caxton invented the printing press, we were using it to make pictures of, hey, naked bottoms!  We have turned the Internet into an enormous international database of naked bottoms.  So you see, the story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms.  ~Coupling, "Inferno," original airdate 2 June 2000, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Steve


Men are not people.  We are disgustoids in human form.  ~Coupling, "The Girl with Two Breasts," original airdate 9 June 2000, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Jeff


Having a bottom is living with the enemy.  Not only do they spend their lives slowly inflating, they flirt with men while we're looking the other way.  ~Coupling, "Her Best Friend's Bottom," original airdate 17 September 2001, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Sally


A relationship is a loving bond between two people, and a threesome can take the edge off that.  ~Coupling, "Jane and the Truth Snake," original airdate 1 October 2001, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Patrick


Fact is, some women don't have large breasts, and they're people too.  Maybe they'd like the freedom to show us their bottoms instead of their breasts.  Maybe they'd enjoy a more flexible arse-friendly beach that says: "Hey, so long as you've got cleavage, who cares which way it's facing?"  ~Coupling, "Jane and the Truth Snake," original airdate 1 October 2001, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Jeff


Lap dancing's the ultimate nightmare of man - it's porn that can see you.  ~Coupling, "Split," original airdate 23 September 2002, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Steve


[M]en - and I don't mean to generalize - are crap.  They're the human race's only failed gender.  Who needs them?  And why are they so difficult to keep hold of?  Do you think they realize, that were it not for the genetic imperative to populate the earth, they wouldn't get a date?  That's one hell of an inducement:  no pressure, girls, but shag one of these or it's curtains for all humankind!  That's harassment.  But do you know what?  Do you know what's even more crap than men?  We are more crap than men.... [T]hese magazines!  A hundred pages of "men are useless bastards," and an article about why you should wake him up with a blow job.  Am I alone in spotting the inconsistency here?  ~Coupling, "Split," original airdate 23 September 2002, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Susan


Sex.... It's just like cuddling - only damper.  ~Coupling, "Unconditional Sex," original airdate 7 October 2002, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Jeff


Do you think there's such a thing as airborne calories?  Maybe they just jump directly onto your hips.  ~Coupling, "Remember This," original airdate 14 October 2002, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Sally


I don't like a guy with flowers.  It means he's done something he shouldn't.  The bigger the bouquet, the younger she was.  ~Coupling, "Nine and a Half Minutes," original airdate 10 May 2004, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Sally



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