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Drinking and driving:  there are stupider things, but it's a very short list.  ~Author Unknown


If you must drink and drive, drink Pepsi.  ~Author unknown, as seen on a bumper sticker


It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road.  ~Author unknown, as seen on a bumper sticker


A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.  ~American Proverb


If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while.  ~Joseph Schenck


The speedway ends at the cemetery.  ~Author Unknown


One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.  ~Lady Astor


Drink the first.  Sip the second slowly.  Skip the third.  ~Knute Rockne


If you drink, don't drive.  Don't even putt.  ~Dean Martin


Zen martini:  A martini with no vermouth at all.  And no gin, either.  ~P.J. O'Rourke


The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.  ~Dudley Moore


Automobiles are not ferocious.... it is man who is to be feared.  ~Robbins B. Stoeckel


Tyrannosaurus drinks.  Tyrannosaurus drives.  Tyrannosaurus rex.  ~Author Unknown


See Dick drink.  See Dick drive.  See Dick die.  Don't be a Dick.  ~Author Unknown


Your body is a temple, but keep the spirits on the outside.  ~Author Unknown


How is education supposed to make me feel smarter?  Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain.  Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?  ~Matt Groening, The Simpsons, spoken by the character Homer


What fools indeed we morals are
To lavish care upon a Car,
With ne'er a bit of time to see
About our own machinery!
~John Kendrick Bangs


Recklessness is a species of crime and should be so regarded on our streets and highways.  ~Marlen E. Pew


The greater part of my official time is spent on investigating collisions between propelled vehicles, each on its own side of the road, each sounding its horn, and each stationary.  ~An English Lord Chief Justice, quoted in 2,715 One-Line Quotations for Speakers, Writers & Raconteurs by Edward F. Murphy


Road sense is the offspring of courtesy and the parent of safety.  ~Australian Traffic Rule, quoted in Quotations for Special Occasions by Maud van Buren

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