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The Olympics are a wonderful metaphor for world cooperation, the kind of international competition that's wholesome and healthy, an interplay between countries that represents the best in all of us.  ~John Williams


I think my favorite sport in the Olympics is the one in which you make your way through the snow, you stop, you shoot a gun, and then you continue on.  In most of the world, it is known as the biathlon, except in New York City, where it is known as winter.  ~Michael Ventre, L.A. Daily News


The Olympics remain the most compelling search for excellence that exists in sport, and maybe in life itself.  ~Dawn Fraser


The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not winning but taking part; the essential thing in life is not conquering but fighting well.  ~Pierre de Coubertin


For athletes, the Olympics are the ultimate test of their worth.  ~Mary Lou Retton


In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.  ~Will Rogers


Performing enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics.  Okay, we can swing with that.  But performance debilitating drugs should not be banned.  Smoke a joint and win the hundred meters, fair play to you.  That's pretty damn good.  Unless someone's dangling a Mars bar off in the distance.  ~Eddie Izzard


Here's a good trick:  Get a job as a judge at the Olympics.  Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn't see it and go, "Okay, is everybody ready to start now?"  ~Jack Handey


The Olympic games should be a matter between individual athletes and the gods. Noisy flag-waving dishonors gods and men alike.  ~Dave Beard


Finishing second in the Olympics gets you silver.  Finishing second in politics gets you oblivion.  ~Richard Nixon


Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the Winter Olympics.  ~Marvin Olasky


== Skiing, Snowboarding, & Snow Quotes ==


Stretch pants - the garment that made skiing a spectator sport.  ~Author Unknown


There are really only three things to learn in skiing:  how to put on your skis, how to slide downhill, and how to walk along the hospital corridor.  ~Lord Mancroft, A Chinaman in the Bath, 1974


The sport of skiing consists of wearing three thousand dollars' worth of clothes and equipment and driving two hundred miles in the snow in order to stand around at a bar and get drunk.  ~P.J. O'Rourke, Modern Manners, 1984


The sensual caress of waist deep cold smoke.... glory in skiing virgin snow, in being the first to mark the powder with the signature of their run.  ~Tim Cahill


Skiing is the only sport where you spend an arm and a leg to break an arm and a leg.  ~Author Unknown


I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.  ~Erma Bombeck


Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.  ~Dave Barry


Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.  ~Steven Wright


Skiing:  the art of catching cold and going broke while rapidly heading nowhere at great personal risk.  ~Author Unknown


Powder snow skiing is not fun.  It's life, fully lived, life lived in a blaze of reality.  ~Dolores LaChapelle


Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.... I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding.  ~Dave Barry


A lot of people like snow.  I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.  ~Carl Reiner


Where does the white go when the snow melts?  ~Hugh Kieffer


A snowflake is one of God's most fragile creations, but look what they can do when they stick together!  ~Author Unknown


The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.  ~Dave Barry


== Curling Quotes ==


It's not just a rock.  It's forty-two pounds of polished granite, with a beveled underbelly and a handle a human being can hold.  Okay, so in and of itself it looks like it has no practical purpose, but it's a repository of possibility.  And, when it's handled just right, it exacts a kind of poetry - as close to poetry as I ever want to get.  The way it moves.... Not once, in everything I've done, have I ever felt the same wonder and humanity as when I'm playing the game of curling.  ~Paul Gross, John Krizanc, and Paul Quarrington, Men with Brooms


We'll explain the appeal of curling to you if you explain the appeal of the National Rifle Association to us.  ~Andy Barrie, Canadians to Americans


Curling is not a sport.  I called my grandmother and told her she could win a gold medal because they have dusting in the Olympics now.  ~Charles Barkley


My drinking team has a curling problem.  ~As seen on a shirt


Curling rocks!  ~Saying of the sport


Curling... when you can tell your lady that she is wide without fear of getting whacked upside the head with a cast iron pan.  Or proclaim out loud that she is too heavy, knowing that your comment has been heard by countless bystanders.  Where you can order your better half to sweep, sweep hard, and having the never before seen result of actually seeing her gutting it out just to please you!  For in curling, you are the king of the house!  ~Author Unknown


If curling were easy, they'd call it hockey.  ~Author Unknown


Curlers do it hard.  ~Saying of the sport


When Hell freezes over, I'll curl there, too.  ~Author Unknown


I get my rocks off curling.  ~Saying of the sport


Curling is sweeping the nation.  ~Author Unknown


I'm a curling addict - I need a hit, and I want to get stoned!  ~Author Unknown


Curlers rock and roll!  ~Saying of the sport


== Ice Hockey Quotes ==


Hockey captures the essence of Canadian experience in the New World.  In a land so inescapably and inhospitably cold, hockey is the chance of life, and an affirmation that despite the deathly chill of winter we are alive.  ~Stephen Leacock


Some people skate to the puck.  I skate to where the puck is going to be.  ~Wayne Gretzky


Hockey belongs to the Cartoon Network, where a person can be pancaked by an ACME anvil, then expanded - accordion-style - back to full stature, without any lasting side effect.  ~Steve Rushin


A puck is a hard rubber disc that hockey players strike when they can't hit one another.  ~Jimmy Cannon


Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept.  ~Doug Larson


Half the game is mental; the other half is being mental.  ~Jim McKenny


How would you like a job where, every time you make a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo?  ~Jacques Plante


Hockey is murder on ice.  ~Jim Murray


I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out.  ~Rodney Dangerfield


== Skating Quotes ==


In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.  ~Franklin P. Jones


Society is like a large piece of frozen water; and skating well is the great art of social life.  ~Letitia Landon


== Sports, Practice, Training ==


I always turn to the sports section first.  The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page has nothing but man's failures.  ~Earl Warren


Every sport pretends to a literature, but people don't believe it of any other sport but their own.  ~Alistair Cooke


A player who conjugates a verb in the first person singular cannot be part of the squad, he has to conjugate the verb in the first person plural.  We.  We want to conquer.  We are going to conquer.  Using the word "I" when you're in a group makes things complicated.  ~Wanderley Luxemburgo


One day of practice is like one day of clean living.  It doesn't do you any good.  ~Abe Lemmons


The more you sweat in practice, the less you bleed in battle.  ~Author Unknown


The breakfast of champions is not cereal, it's the opposition.  ~Nick Seitz


The more I practice, the luckier I get.  ~Jerry Barber, about golf


Sport is where an entire life can be compressed into a few hours, where the emotions of a lifetime can be felt on an acre or two of ground, where a person can suffer and die and rise again on six miles of trails through a New York City park.  Sport is a theater where sinner can turn saint and a common man become an uncommon hero, where the past and the future can fuse with the present.  Sport is singularly able to give us peak experiences where we feel completely one with the world and transcend all conflicts as we finally become our own potential.  ~George A. Sheehan


I figure practice puts your brains in your muscles.  ~Sam Snead, about golf


Sports is human life in microcosm.  ~Howard Cosell


The essence of sports is that while you're doing it, nothing else matters, but after you stop, there is a place, generally not very important, where you would put it.  ~Roger Bannister


To dope the racer is as criminal, as sacrilegious, as trying to imitate God; it is stealing from God the privilege of the spark.  ~Roland Barthes


People understand contests.  You take a bunch of kids throwing rocks at random and people look askance, but if you go and hold a rock-throwing contest - people understand that.  ~Don Murray


All sports are games of inches.  ~Dick Ritger


A lifetime of training for just ten seconds.  ~Jesse Owens


Sport strips away personality, letting the white bone of character shine through.  Sport gives players an opportunity to know and test themselves.  ~Rita Mae Brown


Sport is a preserver of health.  ~Hippocrates


[T]he finish line is sometimes merely the symbol of victory.  All sorts of personal triumphs take place before that point, and the outcome of the race may actually be decided long before the end.  ~Laurence Malone, about bicycle racing


When cerebral processes enter into sports, you start screwing up.  It's like the Constitution, which says separate church and state.  You have to separate mind and body.  ~Bill Lee


I'm fanatical about sport:  there seems to me something almost religious about the fact that human beings can organise play, the spirit of play.  ~Simon Gray

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Last modified 2011 May 08 Sun 00:10 PDT

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